It had only been two days since we saw each other and now, he is calling me. Before that it had been 19 years since we last saw each other. So much has happened since that last time.
“Is it ok that we meet?”
“Today, if possible. I would really like to talk to you and I don’t know when I will be up this way again.”
“Ok. I uhh….let me think if I have anything scheduled for later….”
What is his urgency? I don’t see you for like 19 years and now you have to see me now?
“….ok, how about in an hour at the Far Out Coffee shop on Grand? Do you know where that is?”
“Yeah, it’s by the park, right?”
“Ok, I’ll meet you there. You will be there, won’t you?”
“Yeah, I will be there! See you in a bit.”
What is going on? What on earth does he need to talk to me today about? Oh, crap he must know about what happened after he left town all those years ago. But how could he have found out about that, I certainly didn’t mention it when we had met the other day.
I had to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles because I had left my car registration to the last minute, once again. And of course it was the Thursday afternoon before they were to be closed on Friday due to budget cuts so they were busy. I usually bring a book because I know I’m going to have to wait in line for who knows how long, but at least I’ll get my registration sticker at the end of my wait.
But I forgot my book in my rush to get out the door. So there I was, having to stand there and look around the office. I don’t know how many times I read the notices on the walls that tell you to not drive drunk; to buckle your seat belt; have vehicle insurance; don’t text and drive.
There were Christmas decorations strewn throughout the building. The employee cubbies were all decorated in some festive manner. Santas, elves, angles, strings of lights tapped to cubby walls and computers; standard holiday decorations for government offices. There was a Tour of Duty wall that showed all the local employees that were active duty in the military right now and a wish that they all return safely home. I wonder if they did this for Josh at his job.
As I’m making my way through the line I peruse the pamphlet table. The new registration book is out so I grab one and flip through it to see what is legal and not legal to do behind the wheel of a car now. As I’m reading I can hear people musing about how long the wait has been for them. Someone is yelling at one of the clerks about not having to pay penalty fees and now wants to talk to her boss now. A woman is telling the child that is with her that he needs to settle down or he is gonna get it when they get back to the car and then her attention is turned to the monitor hanging from the ceiling that tells the customers who is next. She glances at her ticket and sighs and shakes her head. I remember being in her place and I tell her in my head that he will grow out of it eventually but only to get into some other type of trouble and that you will long for the days when he just wouldn’t settle down in his chair.
I hear a man in line say, “I look around nowadays and I don’t know how you mom managed to deal with all you kids.” People in line chuckle at his comment. The frustrated mom looks over in my direction. She must have realized who said that and she smiles embarrassingly. I follow her gaze over and see an older man about five people behind me. He looks to be about in his 60’s or 70’s, I have never been very good at telling peoples ages. He speaks as if he is addressing a crowd at some honorary dinner and he is at the podium giving a speech, “We had four kids and I was never home. To this day I don’t know how she kept her sanity!” Some of the people within earshot shake their heads or give out a little laugh including myself.
Then I remember that I had grown up with a family that had four kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. The Robinson family! I had not thought of them in so long. We did everything together. We lived on the same block and our parents were friends and all of us kids were friends, too.
As I’m moving along the line, tons of memories start to come back to me about my childhood and the Robinson family. Our dad’s met in Army basic training, sometime in the mid-sixties. When our dads were not home, our moms were each other’s support. I had two brothers, so you could imagine what it was like to have seven kids running around. My mom would say that it was a good thing we were all close in age because at least we had constant playmates. It also didn’t hurt that we lived on the same street.
As the line moves along, it is snaking around in the standard zigzag queue line to make the most optimal use of limited space. I hear the man talking again. For some reason I turn my head towards his voice and realize that I’m standing next to him now, facing the opposite direction as them. Another man walks up next to him looking at a driving manual. And then something about them strikes me, something about the older man looks familiar to me. Trying to look like I’m not eavesdropping, I try to listen in on their conversation. I hear the younger man say to the older man “Thank you for holding my place” and the older man pats him on the shoulder. The younger man asks him if he is ok standing for so long and the he replies that he is alright. The more I listen to them speak, the tone and inflection of their voices start to sound familiar. I watch them out of the corner of my eye as they stand in line next to me, each one is silent now. As I look at the older man, his facial features become more recognizable to me and then the realization hits me that it’s Mr. Robinson! But who is the other man? I hadn’t really gotten a good look at his face as his back was turned looking at the various pamphlets on the table next to the wall.
Curiosity had me now. So I turn towards the old man and speak to him. “Uhh, excuse me? Your last name wouldn’t be Robinson would it?”
Both men turn to look at me. And BAM, I knew it, it was them! The sudden realization of familiarity flashes across his face and simultaneously we realize that we do know each other.
“Marci?!” the older Robinson yells out my name.
“Yes, it’s...” The old man grabs me and gives me the biggest hug before I can finish my sentence.
“Wow, I guess it is you!” I say, muffled by his coat which smelled a mix of musk aftershave and cigarettes. Some things never change. He lets go of me and holding me by the arms from him, looks me over. Then starts a barrage of what seems like a hundred questions.
“How are you? It’s been so long! How are your parents? How are your brothers? What have you been doing all these years? Do you live here? Oh my God it is so good to see you! Look Robert, its Marci, can you believe it? Oh man, it’s been what 20 years? Oh, you look good….”
He continues to talk but when he says Roberts name his words start trail off in my mind. When I look over and see him standing there with his eyes wide it feels like my heart has stopped. His face has changed from when I last saw it 19 years ago, older, more masculine. I feel Mr. Robinson let go of my arms and feel my body being propelled towards Robert. Instinctively, I throw my arms around him and kissing his cheek, as is my standard greeting when I see my friends and family. I feel Roberts arms come up behind my back as he returns the greeting. And then as quickly as the hug began it ends, both of us stepping back awkwardly. I take another step back and then look at them both as more memories start to flood in my mind.
“So how are your parents? After their divorce we lost track of your dad.” Mr. Robinson asks.
“My mom still has her house in Marshall and she is doing ok. As a matter of fact, she just retired from her job at the post office. My dad has been battling cancer for the last 10 years so it has been pretty rough on him. Mom had your address in Ohio, so I sent you a couple of letters to let you know what was going on, but I never got a reply.”
Mr. Robinson’s big smile slowly turned into a look of disbelief at the news of my father’s illnes and that I was unable to reach him.
“I’m sorry to hear that about your dad.” He somberly replied. “We had moved to Virginia in ’95. I thought we had forwarded our new address to your mom.”
“You may have, but you know my mom, she was lucky if she remembered where she put her gas bill every month!” We all laughed apparently they did remember how my mother had a habit of misplacing even the simplest of items.
As the line progressed, Mr. Robinson came over to stand next to me and we continued to reminisce about the time our families had spent together and update each other on what our families have been doing since the last time we had seen each other. I glance back at Robert once or twice since he remained in his place in line. With Mr. Robinson doing most of the talking he tells me that his twin daughters Lacy and Tracy are both doing well and that each of them has a set of twins themselves. Lacy has two boys and Tracy has 2 girls. He tells me that his youngest son Darrin, their youngest child, was killed about 15 years ago in a motorcycle accident and how he and Mrs. Robinson were devastated for years and that Mrs. Robinson had suffered a breakdown, but now she has come to terms with their loss. By this time it was my turn to see the clerk about my registration. As I went up to do my business, Mr. Robinson went to stand back in line with Robert.
I don’t remember much of what had took place during my transaction with the clerk, just writing the check and getting the sticker is about all I can remember. When I turned around I could see that they were now standing at another clerk’s window doing their business. I then see Mr. Robinson look around the room for me and that I am now standing by the door and motions for me to wait. I point to him that I will be waiting outside and he flashes me the OK sign.
I step outside. The cold wind hits my face and body. I hadn’t realized that I had taken my coat off during Mr. Robinson’s conversation with me. As I put my coat on, I look inside the building and I just see Robert now standing at the counter and he is looking towards the door. I realize that I have managed to avoid eye contact with Robert since our reunion moments ago. I also realize that Mr. Robinson didn’t talk about what Robert had been up to the last 2 decades. It had been so long since we have seen each other I don’t think that he had picked up on my nervousness at meeting him again after all this time. Standing there looking at him through the glass doors, feelings and memories much deeper and sweeter start to consume my thoughts. Before I can start to remember the more intimate details of those memories I hear Mr. Robinson coming through the door and walking up to me.
“Do you live here in town?” he asks.
“Yes, I do. A few blocks from here actually. I would invite you both over now but I have to go to be someplace else by six. Do you live back here now or are you just visiting?”
“No, I don’t live here. Actually, Robert drives long haul trucks and I’m along for the ride this time. He had a couple of deliveries to make in California so I thought I’d come along with him this time and check out the old stomping grounds, we will be here for a couple of days. His mom’s going to be surprised when I tell her we ran into you!” he says beaming with the smile of seeing a long lost relative.
“Oh, I bet she will be surprised! So will my mom and dad when I tell them I ran in to the both of you. But I’m not going to let you get away without getting your address and phone number.” I take out my cell phone and as I start to open it up, Robert comes out of the doors.
“All done?” Mr. Robinson asks.
“Yep, got it all squared away now. I don’t know how I managed to not get this taken care of. You know it’s not like me to leave things to the last minute.” He looks over at me and the corners of his mouth rise up slightly and his brow lowers, “But it looks like it turned out to be a good thing this time.” His grin lingers for a moment on his face and then a look of melancholy replaces it and he takes a deep breath. A huge puff of vapor expels from his nose. I feel like time has stopped at this moment as we look at each other. I want to shout at him where have you been all this time, what have you been doing, why did you leave like you did without saying a word to me, but I suddenly realizing that we are not alone and I pull it together real fast.
“I’m getting your parents address so we don’t lose contact again.” I shot out trying to regain my composure at the same time.
“Junior, get her information, too. You know your mom is going to be asking for it once I tell her we ran into her.” Robert and I exchange our information as Mr. Robinson continues to talk about what a coincidence that they had stopped at this office the same day and same time as I did and that it is truly a small world.
“Well, if you have time before you leave town call me so we can get together or let me know the next time you are in town and we can get together then. I’m so sorry but I really have to go now.”
“It was so good to see you again. And don’t be surprised it my wife doesn’t call you tonight!”
“Well I gave you mom’s phone number, too, so she can call her as well. Ok?”
I step to Mr. Robinson and give him another hug good-bye. He pats me on the back and then holds me at arms length to another look at me. “It was so good to see you again! And next time we are this way or you come our way we will get together, ok?”
“Ok!” I say to him. I look over to Robert and step over towards him to give him a parting hug as well. “And you don’t work so hard! You’re only 3 years older than me and it looks like your pushing 50!”
He replies, “Hey, I am only pushing 40! But you always looked better than I did, for a girl that is!” He then reaches over and grabs me in a bear hug and hoists me up off my feet like he used to when we would horseplay as kids.
“Oh be careful old man!” He puts me down and we all laugh. “I hope you don’t feel that in the morning.” I then give him another hug, this time taking in the smell of his cologne with the hint of diesel fuel mixed in and rubbing my hands along his back. I feel him squeeze tighter than when he did when we first hugged awhile ago. I step back holding his hand and then taking the hand of Mr. Robinson, flash them both a smile. “Well, I have to go, be sure to stay in contact and give Mrs. R a hug for me and tell your sisters I said ‘Hi’, ok?”
“Oh I sure will”, Mr. Robinson replies. “And tell your mom ‘Hello’ from me too. Now you drive safe the roads are getting crazy out there!”
“I will. Take care!” And with that, I turn and walk to my car. I can hear the older Robinson tell the younger Robinson something about how life is funny sometimes and that when you least expect it a nice surprise happens. As I get to my car I see Robert helping his father into a blue sedan. He then walks behind the car and flashes me a wave. I smile back at him and wave back as well and then pull out of the parking lot and drive to my next destination.
Driving to Cabot’s Bar and Grill, I was completely distracted the whole way there. The encounter at the DMV office had thrown me for a loop. A BIG loop. I had never really fully expected to ever run into Robert again. I had managed over time to put all my memories of him and I in their own little album and then put it away for life. There was no use wondering what if and why when the reality of what is kept slapping me in the face every day. I was forcing myself not to go to those memories because of what it would do to me so I tried to focus on just getting to my destination without getting into an accident.
Pulling up to the restaurant I saw Josh standing outside waiting for me. I found a parking space and got out of the car and walked over to him and gave him my standard greeting of a kiss on the cheek and a hug. But I held on to him because I knew what I had to say to him next would change our lives forever.
“Guess who I just saw?”
“Who did you see?”
“Your dad.” I feel Josh’s body become stiff. I slowly pull back to see a the look of disbelief on his face.
“Well actually, your dad and your grandfather,” I correct myself still holding onto the sides of his arms. After a few seconds I can feel him loosen up a little.
“What did you say?” Josh asks looking me square in the eye. I know what he wants the answer to be but I do not give it to him. For 18 years I had hoped that this moment would not come, more so for my sake than for Josh’s.
“Nothing,” I start to cry. “I said nothing to him. I acted like life was great and walked away.” I search Josh’s face for a sign of anger or frustration that I had blown my only chance to confront his father but he just smiles at me, the same smile I now realize I saw less than an hour ago in the DMV parking lot.
“What am I going to do with you?” he asked and hugged me to him to try to console me by rubbing my back.
When he was younger and he would do something that defied comprehension at the time I would say to him, “Josh, what am I going to do with you?” His reply would be ,“Love me!” And I did very much. I suppose I took all the love that I had for his father and put it into raising him. He had managed to turn out to be a good kid and turning into a great young man in light of everything. Especially, in light of the choices I had made for him and myself.
The relationship that I had with his father was something that didn’t readily like to discuss with anyone, let alone my son. When Josh was older and he asked about who and where his father was I had told him that I had cared very deeply for him but he had an opportunity to get a job elsewhere so he left and we lost contact with each other. I explained to him that when he left he didn’t know that he had gotten me pregnant. When I tried to find him and finally located him he had moved on to some place else.
What I didn’t tell him is that no one knew about our relationship because I was eighteen and Robert was twenty-one at the time and we had been having a secret relationship for over two years before he left town. I thought at the time that if I said who his father was the information could be devastating to so many people. So I asked my dad who lived in Michigan at the time if I could stay with him for a while and had Josh there. I had also asked my family not to tell anyone that I had had a baby, as to save them the embarrassment of having to explain my unfortunate predicament to everyone. But it was mostly because I wanted to make sure that Robert’s family didn’t find out. He had left me without so much as saying good bye and I was very angry and hurt, especially after all we had been through.
I don’t recall how it had started but I do remember how I felt when I was with him as we grew up together. I know that I liked being with him very much and couldn’t wait to be with him again. Whenever I knew we would be spending time together my heart would pound in my chest until I saw him and flutter the entire time then pound hard when we parted. When our relationship became more intimate when I was around sixteen and we realized that we cared about each other as more than just friends we had to take great care to make sure that our parents nor anyone else knew about the two of us, mostly because of our ages. We didn’t want to be constantly hounded or watched to make sure we weren’t doing anything inappropriate. Which for safety’s sake we had decided to wait until I was 18 to become sexually involved with each other, so how we managed to be alone together as much as we were is still a mystery to me.
We were together secretly for about two years. Because of our age differences we had decided that we would not do anything that could get Robert into trouble. It seemed that every other week we would hear about some guy being arrested for statutory rape with the young couple claiming they were boyfriend and girlfriend. So during that time we had to resign ourselves to kissing and hand holding.
I would also write love letters to him. They had started off innocent enough but as time went on and the closer we became, my letters to him became a bit more serious telling him how much I wanted to feel his skin on mine, rubbing each our bodies together and to feel him inside me. On my seventeenth birthday I tried to seduce him into letting us perform oral on each other. We had actually found a secluded place in which to partake in our first sexual endeavor but at the last minute he regained his senses and dropped me off at home before we even made it to our newly found secret spot.
But we ended up there the following year anyways, finally consummating our feelings for each other. We had tried to take our time but as soon as we got undressed we jumped right into him putting his cock in me. So of course it was rushed and he came before he got five good strokes inside of me. It was sweet how he was embarrassed and apologetic. But I reassured him it was okay and that we could do other things before we tried it again. I thought my head would pop off when he finally went down on me. His tongue licked and swirled around my virgin bud, it was better than I had ever imagined. And giving him a blow job was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was the closest I ever came to feeling like I was a newlywed in her first year of marriage as we seemed to make up for lost time in those few months before he disappeared from my life.
I pull up to the Far Out Coffee Shop and turn off the car. I don’t get out of the car right away, instead I question if this is the right thing to do, meeting him like this, alone. I will admit that I have wondered what I would say to him if I were to ever see him again, but as time went on the thought of seeing him again became a long ago wish of a young mother. I had certainly matured and my feelings had changed towards him but why was I feeling so apprehensive? My head is starting to hurt. Maybe I should leave and then call him back to say that I had an emergency come up that I had to deal with. But, not being much on lying, it looks like I am going inside.
I had been to the coffee shop a few times with Josh and some of my other friend to have coffee or ice cream and to read the paper. It had a nice relaxing atmosphere and I know those are things you can do at home but sometimes I had the urge to be out and take in the scenery. It was cozy and had areas for people to sit and have a quiet time with their coffee alone or with company in love seats and club chairs.
I didn’t see him when I first walked in. Maybe I will get a break after all and not have to confront him? Maybe, he too had the same reservations as I about our meeting like this? But then I heard my name. I turn to see where it was coming from and then I see him towards the back, away from the din of the front counter and the other patrons that were there.
He walks towards me and I could feel a smile come to my face. Maybe this was the right thing to do. To see him and speak to him, to find out what he has been doing with his life since he left mine so long ago. I start to walk towards him and I could see a smile appear on his face. He still had a boyish look about him that I remembered. Every step closer I could see the same features that he and Josh both shared. He looks like he was in decent shape for a man pushing 40. I remember cursing him one time that he would become a fat overweight balding man during one of my difficult moments in life, knowing that he was out there having a better life than me, but then pulling myself together after reminding myself that this was the life that I had chosen. When we finally reach each other he pulls me to him and hugs me. As my cheek came in contact with his cheek, I felt goose bumps start to rise up on my arms. I took a deep breath imprinting this moment on my brain. This time there was no smell of diesel and motor oil but the pleasant smell of a woodsy aftershave and shampoo. We stood there holding each other for what seems like minutes. He releases his embrace of me, takes my hand and leads me the table he had been seated at waiting for me.
“I’m really glad you came.”
“I’m surprised you called me, actually. I thought that after our reunion at the DMV that it wasn’t likely that I would hear from you again but your mom.”
“I…” he starts to speak but then stops. He looks down at the table and I realize that he had not let go of my hand as he starts to stroke the side of it with his thumb. “I…uhh…I…haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met the other day. I’ve been going crazy and finally broke down and called you. I just had to see you again.” He places his other hand on top of mine and turns it over so that my palm is face up in his hand. Then he starts to pull his fingers across the palm of my hand like he would do when we were together alone. The light touch of his fingers on my hand would make my hand tingle which in turn would make me shiver, which my body is doing now.
“Neither have I. I mean, not been able to stop thinking about you. In fact I have been on the fence about calling you as well. I needed to talk to you, wanted to talk to you, but I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I know you want to know why I left.”
“Well, yeah, that question has been on my mind. I thought that you cared enough about me to tell me you were leaving. But over time I figured you had a good reason because I didn’t think you would just leave like that without saying anything to me for some lame ass reason.” The look of hurt and disappointment appeared on his face, obviously my words that I said, that meant to hurt him, had hit their mark.
He closes his eyes. I wonder if he is he envisioning me as I learned that he had left without a word to me he was leaving? That for days after our last conversation I had wondered if I had done something wrong to make him mad? Was he trying to picture the look on my face as I heard our mothers talk about his sudden decision to go to Las Vegas to work for his uncle? How his mother talked about how she was glad that he now had a purpose in life and how she couldn’t understand why he had stuck around home for so long? How I wanted to scream at them both that he was staying for me but instead I had to keep a straight face until I was able to get to my room and hide in my closet to cry my breaking heart out over him.
“I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry for not telling you what I had planned to do.” His eyes open as he continues to stroke my hand. He still hasn’t looked up at me but he continues moving his fingers across my palm as if the soft touch of habit from long ago will keep my emotions in check. “I just wanted to meet you today so that I could tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you. It has been eating at me all this time and when I saw you again the other day I thought that this was my chance to tell you that. It just took me a couple of days to work up the nerve to confront you.”
I pull my hand from his grasp and put it in my lap. I look around to see if anyone is watching us then I turn my eyes down towards my hands. I fidget with the mother’s ring that Josh had given to me after he got his first job and wondering what I should do with them now. I was so furious inside. I wanted to reach across the table and smack his face, yell at him for being a dumb asshole and leaving me like he did.
“You still haven’t said why you left,” I countered in a stern voice. “All you have said is that you are sorry, but you still haven’t said why you left.” I knew he was not telling me everything, that he was holding something back. When you were as close as we were we could read each other, well at least I thought I could. So maybe he had a really good reason to leave like he did but no matter what I thought, it just wouldn’t justify how he left the way he did, without hardly any explanation. He sits across from me motionless, what on earth could he have done? Before I could start to form ideas of various wrong doings he starts to talk again.
“I…had to leave. I had to do something …,” he starts to trail off not finishing his sentence.
“What did you do Robert? What could you have possibly done that would make you just up and leave like that?” I was starting to get impatient and I was hearing that in my voice. I took a deep breath and with a firm voice asked him again, “What did you do? It’s been 19 years now, just please tell me.” I want to yell at him and grab him from across the table to shake whatever it was that he needed to tell me out of him but I just sat there waiting for him to speak.
“I left for you.”
“I had to leave for you.”
“What is that supposed to mean? You left for me? I don’t understand?” I shook my head as I watch his face to see if he is serious about what he just said.
“Why did we keep our relationship a secret?”
“Huh?” I had to think for a moment. “Because of our ages. We didn’t want our parents dogging us or for you to get in trouble for being with a minor.”
“Do you think that is all?”
“What other reason would there be? I thought that after a time we would tell our parents that we wanted to be together.”
He let out a sigh then drags his hands slowly off the table top, they disappear underneath it. He seem to be bracing himself for what he was about to say to me.
“My parents really liked your family, but,” he pauses, the word “but” hung in the air for a long moment. “They didn’t approve of blacks and whites being together, especially the way we were.” He drops his face down in a manner that indicated that he was ashamed of what he had just said.
I sit stunned at what he just told me. His parents had treated my brother and I like their own children so it is hard for me to comprehend what he is saying.
“Don’t get me wrong, they cared about you but the idea of them approving of us was something that was not going to happen.”
“How, did you know that? How did you know they wouldn’t accept me as the one that you wanted to be with?”
“Because I heard them talking about my cousin who had married a black man. My father was not as understanding as I thought he would be and heard him say some pretty awful things about them to my aunt and mother.”
“Oh, I had no idea they felt so strongly about that. “
“And I didn’t want him saying that about you.”
“Or thinking that about you as well?”
“No, I could deal with them, it was you and your family I was worried about. I mean, think about it Marci, I don’t think you realize how this could have affected all of us.”
“So you thought leaving me was the answer?”
“Yes. I did. I couldn’t give you the life you deserved to have. I thought that if I left you would find someone that you could really be with that didn’t have to deal with my family especially if they suddenly turned on us once they found out we were together. So I thought that if I left without saying anything that I would be spared the drama. I wasn’t sure how you would react if I told you I was leaving town so I just left. I was going to call you after some time had gone by and I figured you would be over being mad at me, but my mom told me that you had moved to Michigan to live with your dad and I figured that was the end of it.”
My jaw began to clinch, but I didn’t give him the drama he was expecting all this time. I close my eyes, letting it all sink in, knowing that I had something to tell him as well. I look up and see that he is now watching me for what my reaction may be to his explanation. He brought his hands back up to the table where they had been it looked as if he was reaching out to me again that he wanted to feel my skin against his, possibly to reassure him that his story was acceptable to me but they remained empty where I left them. Then he clasped them together possibly bracing himself for what I would do next. Was I going to get up and walk out? Hit him? Yell at him? What was I going to do to him? He looked as if he was holding his breath waiting for the proverbial hammer to fall. It certainly wasn’t the hammer he was expecting.
“You have a son.” I finally tell him, practically blurting it out.
He just sat there looking at me. From the expression on his face I could tell that he had heard me loud and clear. I thought that I would feel a tremendous weight being lifted from me, but that didn’t happen. So, now it was my turn to wonder what he would do next. But I supposed what does one say when you learn that you have an 18 year old son all of a sudden?
“His name is Joshua Hayden Thompson and he is 18 years old.” I watched his face for any sign of reaction but he just continues to stare at me. I was suddenly beginning to regret telling him because he is making me feel uncomfortable just sitting there looking at me. I reach in my coat pocket and pull out a picture that I had brought for Robert to see in the event that I actually told him about Josh. “I have a picture for you if you would like to see what he looks like.” I place the picture on the table and slid it to him across the table between his hands. He doesn’t move for a moment but then slowly looks down at the picture. “I guess it’s my turn to be sorry now, but I’m not,” I say, surprised by the coldness of my tone. “I kept this from you for many reasons, shame, fear, anger, but mostly to save our families from the knowledge of what we had been to each other. I had figured that you had left because you were scared of being with me or something to that effect. I didn’t want what I felt for you to be turned into something that was wrong to feel. Because then I don’t think I would have been able to move on with my life without you in it.”
“He looks a bit like me at that age.”
“Yeah, he does. I didn’t notice how much he looked like you until after I saw you and then met up with him afterwards. I told him that I had seen you and he wanted to meet you right then, but I asked him to wait. Seeing you again was too much for me to deal with at that moment. Besides I wasn’t ready to tell you about him yet and I certainly didn’t want to drop this bombshell on your dad either. To be honest, I wasn’t prepared to ever see you again. As the years went by I figured that the likelihood of seeing you again was less and less. So you could imagine my surprise at seeing you the other day.”
This family reunion was starting to take its toll on me. All the memories and the feelings were just falling in on me and I was starting to feel like I was drowning. By the time Josh was 5 years old, I was able to put Robert behind me. I had given in to the fact that he looked like Robert but that was something I could live with. After all, Josh was not Robert and I couldn’t compare him to his father the rest of his life despite how much he looked like him. And now watching Robert try to process what I told him was getting to be too much for me to deal with.
‘Excuse me. I uhh, umm, I need a minute,” I stammer. I had to get away from the table, away from him and away from the memories. I head to the ladies room in the back of the coffee shop. This was certainly too much for me to deal with and I couldn’t imagine what was going through Robert’s mind at this minute.
I finally reach the restroom and shut the door behind me. I see myself in the mirror. Now it is my turn to run away. I sit down on the bench and wonder what I have done. Even though I may have thought about how I would tell him, I never thought about what would happen when I did. Well actually, I thought that he would sweep me off my feet and take me back to Las Vegas we’d get married and then live in familial bliss with our son. But I was young when I thought that. The younger you are the grander and sweeter the happy ending is, as I have come to learn the hard way. The reality is I have no idea what to do now. I know Josh wants to meet him, but what if Robert doesn’t want to meet him. Oh, and let us not forget Roberts family. I’m certainly not looking forward to having to explain why I had kept this from Robert, his family and mine for all this time.
I don’t know how long I was in there but when I finally emerge from my respite, Robert is gone from the table. I guess he decided to leave me again. But this time I couldn’t blame him. Now I have to tell Josh how I blew his chance of a reunion with his father now. I looked for him throughout the shop but I didn’t see him. Maybe he was hiding out in the men’s room.
“Are you looking for the guy you were with?” A tall guy with light brown dreads in his hair standing behind the counter asks me.
“Yeah, I am.”
“He told me to tell you that when you came out he would be waiting outside.”
“Thanks”, I reply and head towards the door. When I get outside it is starting to get dark so I didn’t see him at first standing by my car.
“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come out soon”, he says to me.
“I wasn’t sure I was going to come out either.” We both lightly laugh.
“I walked here from the hotel. My father has the car. He is meeting up with some friends that still live in the area at the Town Pump for drinks and dinner.”
“They probably have him singing karaoke by now.”
“You think so?” he replied with a grin.
“Would you like a ride back to your hotel?” I ask him. I assume that we have said all that we are going to say for the time being, both of us needing time to let the afternoon sink in before moving on. “It’s starting to get a lot colder. I can drop you off, it is no problem.” As soon as I say that I wonder what the hell I’m doing offering him a ride after what I just dropped on him!
“Um, I think I will walk. It isn’t that far to walk. Besides I have a lot to think about and I like the cold air,” he tells me.
I remember he liked to go running in the mornings, especially when it started to get cold. When we were kids we would pretend we were smoking cigarettes because we could see our breath in the air. My older brother Steven would try to make ring circles with his breath, which he could never do.
“What are you smiling about?”
“Ring circles.” He looks at me like he is not sure what I’m talking about. “Remember how Steven would try to blow ring circles with his breath?” Then the look of recollection comes across his face and he begins to laugh, too.
“I forgave you a long time ago,” I suddenly told him. “I do wish you had told me you were leaving so that I could have said good bye to you, but part of me understands why you left the way you did. But I do have a question that only you can answer. What did I mean to you? Was I just someone for you to have your fun with or did you really care about me?” There was a long moment of silence between us. “For years, after you left, I had wondered what “we” were all about. If the things that we had done were wrong although it didn’t feel wrong to me.”
He stands there staring at me. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about. He’s probably wishing now that he had never called me to meet up with him.
“I don’t know what to call what I felt for you,” he begins, “I remember feeling that I was always happy to see you and be with you. When I told my mom that I had seen you, she told me that I used to call you “my baby” after you were born. I don’t remember that because I was about three years old at the time, but I do remember having this feeling that I had to be with you for as long as I can remember.“ He pauses and takes a deep breath and continues on. “As I got older I recall the feelings I had for you never changed. I think that is why I was always horse playing with you, I had to touch you. And then when you kissed me when you were about ten, my feelings just got stronger for you. So you remember when we had to move away? I couldn’t think about anything else but trying to stay with you. I even asked my parents if I could live with your family so that I wouldn’t have to change schools, but of course they said no, I had to go with the family. So you could imagine my surprise when my parents told me that your dad had gotten a job transfer to California as well. But by the time you had gotten there, a lot had changed for me, physically and emotionally because I was in puberty. I was confused about what I felt for you and thought that it would be best if I limited my contact with you. And for a while that was ok. But then you hit puberty and I guess I just gave in. But I knew we had to be careful because if our parents found out about how we felt about each other and what we were doing, we would have been kept apart and I didn’t want to go through being without you again.”
He reached down and found my hands slipping his warm fingers in between mine. He brings them up to his chest and I can feel his heart pounding though his shirt and my heart starts to beat faster as well.
“Marci, even now, I’m still not able to put what I felt about you into proper words or actions. I think we just did what felt good for the both of us. Looking back, I don’t believe for one minute that there was anything wrong about what we did together but I do think that we were too young and naïve to think that that we would be together forever.”
“But what is so naïve about being in love with someone? I felt the same way about you and you knew that, so why what would anyone else’s opinion matter if all we wanted was to be together?”
“As I got older I got more fearful of what would happen if someone were to find out about us. I knew that I was walking on thin ice because of our ages and that being the older one and the male that I could get into serious trouble. And by that I mean you getting pregnant.”
“Well, your timing was way off.”
“And then I saw you with that guy at your work. You were laughing and joking with him the way you did with me. At first I was angry at you but the more I thought about it I realized that you could be happy with someone like that.”
“What someone who was black? Is that what you mean?”
“Look, all I can say to you now is that I have regretted leaving the way I did for so long and that I should talked to you. I thought it would be better to just walk away from you so that you could find someone else or make it easier to be with that other guy.“ Tears started to stream down his face. I had never seen him cry before but now after his declaration, I know he too had probably spent hours crying himself. I reach up to touch his face. His head tilts into my hand and he lets out a deep sigh. I start to cry, too.
“Marci, I know I never said I loved you but what I felt for you was more than just love. I still have no words for how I felt about you then and how I feel about you now. Ever since I saw you I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you and all the time I had wasted because I was afraid. I could have found you but I was afraid that you would reject me. I never thought that when I left that you would be in the one condition I was trying to avoid from happening. Please believe me that if I had known then that you were pregnant, I would have come back for you, for the both of you. Oh God Marci, I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to be there for you.” He pulls me to him and continues to sob into my hair as I cry into his shoulder.
As we stand in the cold evening air, darkness descended upon us. I try to understand why we have spent all this time apart only to get to this moment of truth for our lives. I didn’t know whether to be mad at having had to go through the pain and sorrow that we have had to go through to get to this moment or to be grateful that we have gotten to this moment at all when so many others don’t reach this moment at all.
I don’t know how long we stood there but it was now very dark and we were both shivering from the cold and from our revelations to each other. We pull apart from our embrace and look at each other as if we hadn’t seen one another in very long time. I remember moments when we were together when we would just gaze into each other’s eyes and it seemed that we knew what the other was thinking and that there were no secrets between us. And as we stand there looking at each other now with older and wiser eyes I think I was beginning to understand what had brought us together so long ago and what was bringing us back to one another now.
I reach up to touch his cheek to wipe away the tears that had been streaming down his face. As I stoke his face I can feel by fingers and my hand start to tingle. He then takes my face into his hands and then begins to lean in to kiss my forehead. He then starts to kiss down the side of my face and letting his hand slip through my hair down to the back of my head. With his left hand behind my head he takes his other hand and lightly stokes the side of my face. I can feel my breath start to quicken and my heart is pounding so hard it is all I can hear for the moment. As he strokes my face my skin starts to tingle and I try to control my breathing. He is looking in my eyes and I can see his pupils start to dilate, even in the darkness, as he gets closer to my face. As he closes in on my lips they start to tingle as if little sparks are jumping from my lips to meet his. He gently kisses me on the lips and I return the kiss to him. I can start to feel the blood moving through my body and the hairs on my neck and arms become electrified with excitement. I then feel his hand cradle the back of my head as if to steady it and then he kisses me again this time I can feel his mouth opening up to mine and his warm tongue brushing against my lips asking to be let in. I oblige to his request and with that first deep kiss I feel my body go slack as his hand slides around to my back to support me. I feel his mouth press harder into my mouth and it feels as if his tongue is trying to pull me into his mouth for him to devour. I can’t move as I am overcome with the swiftness of how he is taking my body into his. I feel his hands slide down my back and it seems that he is trying to hold me up as if he could push my whole body into his mouth. And I want to let him do it, my hands grasping the back of his head to pull my body closer to his hoping he would devour me.
I feel us moving slightly and then I feel my back up against the side of the car and he releases his hold on me, but only slightly. As I regain my ability to support my own weight I feel his hands moving around to the inside of my coat. He releases his lip lock on my mouth and for a moment I am left disoriented by his sudden release. Then I feel his hands start to caress by body and make their way to my breasts. His hands reach their intended targets and he gives them a tender squeeze and then bends down and buries his head in the crevasse of my heaving bosom. He takes a deep breath as if he has returned home and smells his favorite meal waiting for him at the dinner table. His head comes up and kisses the top of my breasts and then starts to kiss me up my neck as hands start to slide down my waist to the top of my pants knowing where their next destination would be.
Wearing sweat pants, access was easily gained as he slipped his hand past the elastic waist band. I hold my breath in anticipation of when his hand would make its mark, knowing what pleasure I would be in store for once his fingers touched my clit. As his fingers glided downwards across my stomach, the touch of his skin on mine made me gasp and another shock electrified my body. I open my legs I could feel the dampness that had already began to accumulate. And just as his fingers touch my throbbing bud he clamps his mouth over mine and I feel his tongue dart into my mouth. His tongue and finger working in unison drive me over the edge. I feel his body press against mine, pinning me against the car so that I don’t fall to the ground as his fingers inter my vagina and his thumb now takes over the rhythm of his fingers that were previously there. I want to scream is name but his mouth is still covering my mine and his tongue is keeping mine busy caressing and stroking it into submission.
I grind my body into his hand as he continues to thrust his fingers into my soaking wet hole hoping that my actions would bring about my climax as soon as possible. My head starts to fall back and he releases his hold on my mouth. His mouth slides down to my ear and I hear him whispering to me but it is mumbling to me as I am too caught up in the delirium that is the beginning of my orgasm. As the waves of pleasure start to overtake my body I can feel him holding me up as his fingers continue their pleasantly torturous momentum in and out of quivering pussy as wave after wave of pleasure flows through me and I clamp my thighs over his hand. I don’t remember him pulling out just the throbbing of my clitoris as the blood continues to rush to the best little spot on my body. When I regain some sense of focus, he is gently kissing my neck. His soft lips glide up m cheek and then to my mouth. My body behaves like jelly as it tries to recover. I try to pull myself together enough to be able to stand on my own, but Robert’s arms wrap around me and hold me up.
“Hand me your keys,” he tells me and I manage to fumble around trying to remember which pocket I had placed them in. I pull them out of my pocket and hand them to him. He walks me over to the passenger door and opens it for me to get in. I unwillingly pull myself away from him, not wanting to leave his embrace and slide into the seat and he shuts the door. He then walks over to the driver side door, gets in and puts the key in the ignition. I watch him start the car and as he turns to look over his right shoulder to back out he flashes me a smile and then leans over and kisses me on my lips quickly and then we proceed to leave the parking lot.
Any logical person knows what is to follow when we get to my house and we can’t get there fast enough for my liking. As we head down the street in the direction of my house, I lay back in the seat still trying to recover from what had just happen. I feel him reach over and held my hand. It is warm and seems to be pulsating with energy sending little shocks through my body to my clit. I feel another wave of pleasure start to course through my body as it remembers what his hands just did to me moments before.
We finally pull up to my house and he turns off the car. He gets out and comes around to open my door and helps me out of the car. Taking his hand again I feel the little shocks go through my body again and they feel like they are getting stronger. He hands me the keys and we walk up to the front door, I unlock it and we go inside. I turn on the light in the foyer so we can see our way into the living room.
I watch him look around and then see him walk over to the pictures on the wall and look at each one. They are mostly of Josh at his various stages of growth from infancy to adulthood. He then goes to the shelves to look at trophies and team pictures of Josh in the marching band and choir and on the track team and tennis team in High School. I watch Roberts face and he smiles when he sees the awards and trophies but I know that he is also filled with sorrow that he has missed these moments in his son’s life that he will never be able to get back. I walk over to him and help him out of his coat and lay it on the couch.
While Robert is taking in all that he has missed about Josh’s life, I walk down to my bedroom and take off my coat. When I turn on the light I see that there is a note on my dresser from Josh.
Going to Nate’s and then to the City. I tried to call you on your cell but you didn’t pick up. I will probably be back in the
morning afternoon. I’ll call you later.
Love you, Josh
Well at least he left me a note, what a good boy!
“Marci? Where’d you go?” Robert yells out to me from the living room.
“I’m down here. Josh left me note that he has gone out with friends.” I walk back down the hall way to apologize for him not being here to meet his father, but Robert meets me halfway.
“I guess that means no one will be here then to catch us doing something we shouldn’t be,” he says looking into my eyes, grabbing me and pulling me to him. Being with him it seems like no time has passed and the familiarity of our actions and my feelings for him pick up right where we had left off all those years ago. My body knows this dance and will surely give into to the beat and the tempo of what is about to come. I had always let him take the lead and this time it appears is no different. Somehow I knew we both had not felt this way since our last time together, so it was no surprised that our bodies fell into the natural flow of what we do when we are together. But this time it is different and we both know that, too. No one is here to catch us and tell us to stop what we were doing. We don’t have to hide the fact that we are together, pleasing and loving each other.
Taking his hand I lead him back down the hall. As we stand at the foot of the bed he takes me into his arms again and starts to kiss my mouth, face and down my neck. It’s as if he is trying to make up for 19 years of kisses that he should have been giving to me. I was going to let him. I search for the edge of his shirt and pull it over his head, breaking the flurry of kisses that he is blanketing my face and neck with. My hands touch the skin of his back, then the bulk of his upper arms and slide across the pectoral muscles of his chest. Not as muscular as I remember but the feeling of his skin is the same, warm with light wisps of hair on his chest. I reach down and undo the buckle of his pants. I feel his breathing on my neck become deeper and his flurry of kisses slow down as his lips moves across my skin. I undo the button and unzip his pant and slip my hands around his hips and then around to his buttocks as I slide his pants down the back of his legs. My hands linger on his bare ass, caressing his skin as I listen to him take deep breaths in anticipation of where my hands may land next. I step back to see what has been revealed by my actions and see what I was after flopping about as blood fills his manhood and brings it to attention. As he kicks his shoes off and slips off his pants off, I am able to see that he has taken good care of his body and that nothing much has changed over the years for him. His body mass is bulkier than I recalled but I suppose a life time of labor intensive jobs can do that.
I take his face into my hands and kiss him gently on the mouth. I then trail my kisses to his cheek and down his neck to his chest. I sit down on the edge of the bed with his manhood staring me in the face. It had been a long time since we had been this close to each other and I was determined that I was going to make sure that he didn’t want to leave me again. I hear Robert let out a sigh and I see his breathing start to increase in anticipation of having my warm wet mouth on his cock. I’m sure slipping into a nice wet pussy has its advantages, but having a warm mouth with a tongue that can move around it and lips to suck on it is what most men want and desire. I look up to his face to see the look of anticipation in his eyes of my mouth moving towards his rock hard member.
Taking him into my hand I hold it up to my mouth and blow on it. He had liked it when I did that all those years ago and when I feel his body start to shiver I knew I have complete control of him from this point on. I stick my tongue out and lightly lick the soft spot under the head of his penis and another shiver races through his body. I get his dick wet with my saliva, my tongue licks around the head and along the shaft being careful not let my lips close over it yet. I can hear his breathing become more intense and his body start to sway as I tease his penis into submission. Then without warning I clamp my mouth over him and begin to suck, grabbing his buttocks and thrusting him into my mouth. He lets out a gasp and nearly falls over from the shock of what I had just done.
His hands clasp my head and he runs his fingers through my hair moaning and swaying to the tempo that I have now established for this moment. I gingerly suck on his cock on listen to his approving moans of the pleasure that I am giving him as I pull him out of my mouth enough to suck on the bulbous top of prick or pull my teeth across the soft spot under the head or both at the same time. As his breathing becomes more rapid and his leg muscles start to tighten I know that he is on the brink of climax. I slowly back off of my manipulation because it is not my goal at this moment to get him off so easily. I release him and stand up moving close to his I slip my fingers through his hair and press my mouth against his.
We kiss passionately. His hands come up to stroke my arms and up to the nape of my neck as if to hold my head in place as he eagerly kisses me in return. A moment later he reaches down to grab the bottom of my shirt, pulls it over my head and tosses it to the floor. He places a hand on my shoulder and slips a finger under the bra strap to pull it down coming to rest in the crook of my arm. I turn my back to him and he unclasps the hooks of my bra and I pull it off, letting it drop to the floor. His hands slide around me from behind and he places his hot hands on my breasts. He quickly finds my taught nipples and rolls them between his fingers and thumb. It is my turn to shiver in his hands
“They are a lot bigger than I remember,” he exclaims. I don’t remember him commenting on the size of my breasts before but he seems to be very pleased with the size of them now. He turns me around to face him again and he bends over and takes one of my nipples into his mouth. An electric shock wave moves through my body as his tongue encircles the sensitive skin, licking and nibbling one and then moving to the other. I have to hold on to his head as his warm mouth sends little waves of pleasure through them and into the burning core of my body. My fingers tightly grasp the soft strands of his hair. I pull at them in time to the movement of his tongue and mouth on my nipples. If he keeps this up any longer I could come at any moment. As if he could hear my thoughts, he pulls his mouth away from my breasts and lays me back onto the bed. I kick my shoes off now and he starts to help me pull my sweats and underpants off lifting my butt off of the bed to assist their removal.
As I lay on the bed naked, his hands slowly glide up my thighs and I can see him scan my body as if he were at a buffet and didn’t know what to get first from the feast that is laid before him. My body is no longer that of an athletic eighteen year-old that he last saw, but that of a thirty-seven year old mom with a C-section scar between my flabby belly chubble and the top of my pubic mound. He runs his finger along the scar and looks at me.
“I had to have Josh by C-section because I couldn’t push his big head out,” I tell him. I can tell by the look in his face that he is feeling guilty that he was not there to help me through the difficult birth of our son and probably imaging the pain that I must have gone through. I take his face in my hands and tell him “Promise me that you will have no more looks like that again. What has happened has happened. No more looking back from now on, only forward ok?” He shakes his head in agreement and then lays his head down on my chest and lightly starts to stoke my scar again.
I feel his hand move to the top of my pelvis and touch the top patch of my wiry dark hair. I open my legs and he immediately slips his hands between my thighs and lightly strokes the lips of my pussy still wet from its last encounter with his hand. He continues to stoke the lips and then starts to tease my clit with his finger. Pleasurable waves of ecstasy start to build up again as it has not really had a chance to become less swollen with all the follow up activity since the parking lot of the coffee shop. I move my hand above his to try to force his fingers in my hole again but he gently pushes my hand away and continues to tease me into madness again. I feel his head move off of my chest and his body move on the bed. He then removes his hand from his play area and I feel it slide down my thigh pulls them farther apart.
The cool air of the room hits the lips of my vagina and I gasp for air. The folds of my vaginal lips quiver sending a shudder through my body. Then I realize it is Robert blowing on me, just as I did to him. My eyes roll to the back of my head. I feel him place a finger and then another inside me and his thumb on my clit then slowly start to move them in and out of me. I moan as my body reacts to his gentle touch and it doesn’t take long until I am writhing on the bed in time to his thrusting hand.
Suddenly I feel his warm mouth covering my clit. I gasp and come off the bed as the wet slickness of his tongue slowly strokes me into madness. I feel his arms come around the tops of my legs to hold me down and then his mouth cover the opening of my pussy. He runs his tongue up and down the inside of the lips and the darts it in out my seeping hole. My hands are in his hair and I’m trying not to pull it out as I cling tightly to him as I gyrate by pussy against his wonderful tongue as he takes me to the edge of reality and I slip into the pool of blissful ecstasy, feeling it wash over me from the tips of my toes to the top of head.. Just as I seem to come up for air another wave over takes me and I am caught in an undertow of orgasm after orgasm. A deep moan comes from my throat that feels like it had risen from my pussy to exclaim that it is greatly pleased with the more than spectacular treatment it was receiving at this moment.
As I slowly come back to my senses I feel him moving up my heaving body. I lay there not moving as I try to settle down again from its magnificent encounter with Robert’s deft tongue and fingers. But my body wants more of him and I know that it would soon have what it truly desires. As my breathing slows back down to its regular rate I feel Robert’s lips gently brush across my cheek. I think he had been kissing his way up to my face but I only know this from the parts of my body where I could feel the wet traces of his kisses. His lips find mine and I can smell and taste the results of his marvelous handy work on my pussy on him.
“Are you ready?” he asks me. I feel his cock throbbing against my thigh and I have a flash back to the first time that we had intercourse and he asked me if I was ready then, as well. But this time I know it will be vastly different from our first time together.
I open my eyes and look at him and there is no need for a response. I feel him maneuver himself on top of my body; his cock jerks as it touches the slick outer lips of my pussy. I put my hands between us and help guide him inside me as he steadies himself to make the first thrust. He slowly inches the head just inside the opening and then with one swift movement plunges his manhood into the wholeness of my pussy. I gasp and grab onto him as I react to the force of his entry and the feeling of him filling me up. My eyes open to see him beaming. It is the look of a man who has just slipped in to the softest, wettest, tightest place on earth. I can’t help but wonder how much he had missed the feel of my pussy welcoming him inside the most cherished possession my body had to offer over these many years. He tries to maintain his position over me as his cock pulsates within the warmth and wetness of my pussy. I give him gentle little squeezes making him moan.
I wrap my legs around his waist and gently push him over to his side and then onto his back making sure that he does not slip out of me. I slowly slide up and down on his cock, the walls of my pussy conforming to him. I flex my vaginal muscles, grabbing him as I move on top of him and then releasing him as I slide back down his hardness. His hands move to my waist as if to hold me in place so I don’t ever get off of him. A low moan escapes his lips as I continue to slow move up and down his shaft taking my time enjoying the way he feels inside of me. I feel his hand move from my waist to the front of my pubis and he starts to rub my clit. I throw my head back and now the room is filled with the moans of both of us. I let him bring me to climax again as I try to remain on top of him letting the waves from my orgasm massage his cock. The lights of the room seem to flicker and I’m literally seeing stars as every part of my body feels like it is being electrified.
He grabs a hold of my waist and rolls me over onto my back again. I can feel that he still has his erection and that he has managed not to slip out of me as he repositions himself over me and takes over the heavy work of our love making. He easily glides his cock in and out of my already overflowing pussy making my moans rise from deep within me.
“Oh, you feel so good,” I breathlessly tell him. I had to admit that even though I had been with a few men since our time together he certainly made me feel like no other man could. His hand caresses the side of my thigh then he pulls it up so that it resting on his shoulder. I feel him plunge deeper inside me when he entered me again. My eyes roll back and I grip his arms with what little strength I had left. “Oh, God,” slowly slipped from my lips. His soft lips graze my calf and he takes a playful bite of my skin.
I lie there thinking that I wasn’t too sure about how much more pleasure my body could endure from this point. At that moment he slows down his movements and comes to a stop. My leg slips from where it was perched and I look up at him to see what is wrong. He leans close to me and his face is serious as he looks into my eyes, the gold flecks in his hazel green eyes look like they are sparkling.
“I know I have never said this to you so I am going to say it now. Not because I didn’t want to but because what I felt for you was much more than one word could ever convey. I love you, Marci. You are everything to me.”
I place my hand up to his face and stroke his cheek, “I love you.”
“I don’t want to be away from you ever again if I can help it.”
“I know that you will never leave me again. And I will never leave you.”
He slowly starts to move inside of me again. My eyes start to well up with tears and stream down the sides of my face. As he continues to move in and out of me our eyes fix on each other. My body starts to catch up to the rhythm that he is setting for us and rocking with his at every thrust. I pull my legs up so that he is able to plunge deeper inside of me. My eyes break their contact with his as they slip behind my eyelids, as if to concentrate on every delectable thrust of his cock into me. Our breathing becomes in sync and the friction of our movements is so powerful that just the rushing sound of air moving in and out of our lungs and past our lips is the only sound that fills the room.
An electric charge seems to fill the air around us making the hair on my skin rise up and my skin tingle. Robert’s pace becomes faster and somehow I am able to keep up with him not losing the momentum of our love making. My head is a whirl as the intensity and speed of his thrusts increases even more. I’m not sure if I’m keeping up with him or if I my body has stopped moving and I am lying there accepting each of his driving thrusts. My mind feels like it is moving a mile a minute from all the synapses that are firing at once as the fervor of our loving union becomes greater and greater.
If I had to tell to someone what I was feeling, I don’t think I could find enough words to describe what my body was experiencing. It’s is like my birthdays, Christmas’ and all the best days of my life wrapped up into one glorious sensation and making my head feel like it is going to explode from this amazing emotional overload and the feeling was spreading through my entire body.
I had never felt this way before and wished I could stay in this state forever but the intensity is reaching its peak and I teeter on the edge of ecstasy and my pending release of sexual tension that has been building up inside me. I’m gasping for air as I dig my fingers into his forearms holding on for dear life. I feel his tongue enter my mouth, flipping, rolling and sucking robustly on mine.
I begin to feel as if we are hovering above the bed and then we are above the house. My skin tingles from the cool air around us. The lights of the city fall away and we are above it. The distant light of the closest spiral arm of our galaxy glimmers above us providing a soft glow in the darkness that surrounds us. I feel like my body is pulling itself inward to one central point; my body is warm and glowing. Roberts face is heavenly as he hovers over mine. A brilliant flash of light emerges from between our bodies, then engulfs us entirely.
Clutching each other tightly we are gently falling, not caring where we land.
When I finally open my eyes the room is dark. My breathing is normal and my body is weak. I feel Robert’s body partially laying over mine, his breathing is normal again as well. I reach up to touch his head and say his name but there is no response. I lie there trying to recall what had happened, what I had just experienced was nothing I had ever felt before. I try to remember the thoughts and images that raced through my mind. I move out from underneath him and roll off the bed to head to the bathroom.
I flick on the light but nothing happens. Was there a power outage of some sort? I find the GFCI switch that was in the bathroom and push it in and still no lights. I grab my robe from the back of the bathroom door and head to the kitchen to grab that flashlight to go check the circuit breaker box in the garage. When I get to the box I can see that all the circuits are tripped, flipping them all back and forth but the lights do not come on as I had hoped. I head back into the house and grab some candles from the china cabinet and a lighter then head back to the bedroom. When I enter the room Robert is not in the bed. I know he wasn’t a dream but then I hear him bump into the wall as he tries to come out of my bathroom.
“OUCH!” I shine the flash light in his direction, “What happened to the lights?”
“I don’t know, it looks like all the circuits are blown,” Robert asks as he moves towards the bed.
“Did you check outside to see if the power is out on the rest of the street?”
“No, I hadn’t yet.” I turn towards the dresser to set down the candle I had brought back with me but as I look up and catch my reflection in the mirror and I can’t quite believe what I see. Above my right eye, a streak of white hair stands out amongst my brown hair.
“Oh my God!” I pick the candle back up and hold it up so that I can see my hair more clearly. “My hair! Robert , look at my hair!” He gets up and stands behind me looking at me in the mirror’s reflection. As he gets closer to the light I can see that his hair is different, too. “Robert, look at your hair!” I whip around to look at his hair too and pull on his shoulders to bring his head to my eyelevel.
“WHAT! What’s wrong?”
“Your hair it’s white, too!” He looks past me into the mirror. I watch his reaction as he runs his fingers along the right the patch of white locks on the right side of his head that were brown earlier this evening. “Whoa!”
I turn around and look at my hair again not believing what I’m seeing. “I look like a skunk!” Robert laughs. “Well at least all your white hair looks distinguished on you.” I chided back.
“I don’t think my dad’s hair is this white” he jokingly comments. He grabs me by the waist and pulls me back towards the bed. He raises his hand and touches my head where the unexpected change had occurred, “Do you want to finish turning the rest of it white?” I playfully hit him on his chest and we fall back on to the bed laughing.
“I’m sure we have time since Josh won’t be home for quite a while and then the two of you will be able to meet finally,” I say but my words trail off as I look up to at the clock and see that despite having a back up battery for power outages it isn’t on like it usually is in situations like this. I shake my head bewildered by why that is but then I turn my eyes back towards Robert who is smiling up at me.
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Oh, what about your dad?”
“He will be ok, I’m sure he is with his friends still. He knows how to get back to the hotel.”
“Not about that. Ugh, and our mom’s? When do we tell them?”
Robert laughs at me again, “Well, I guess we will tell them when we get around to it. Right now, I’m with MY family and that is all I care about at the moment. So I take it your dad knows I am Josh’s father?”
“Yes, after he was born he noticed some facial features that reminded him of you.”
“How did he react?”
“He wanted to throttle you for leaving me the way you did. But he didn’t care if we were together as long as we loved each other. So he will be glad to see that you have come back to me.”
I lean close to his face and kiss him deeply; I realize that the softness of his lips hasn’t changed in all this time. When we release each other I lay my head on his shoulder watching the candle light flickering against the mirror which fills the room with a soft glow. I let out a long sigh, as I finally have the one I am destined to be with by my side again. His hand moves up to mine that was resting on his chest and we lace our fingers together. This time we are not letting go of the other no matter what.