Being the undying optimist, I have decided to turn a very bad date into a positive learning experience, rather than staying in bed for a few days, which was the alternative I considered at the time.

Now before I get deep into this blog I will tell you why I am writing it. A new short story will be coming your way soon and it is a about a date that has the “potential” of being a train wreck.

Okay, so back to my "date" let me set the scene for you.

It was a typical spring night, mild weather and a little overcast. I’d had a long day working on edits for an upcoming book so to try to “relax” before for the date, I spent a few hours curled up reading on my very comfortable couch with Rocky splayed across my lap, snoring softly. In short, a pretty good start to what was supposed to be a nice evening.

Yet all was not right. I had agreed to meet a man for a second date, a man that I wasn’t really into but had nonetheless agreed to go out with him just to make sure. I realize that chemistry doesn’t "always" happen at first glance.

Before I even left the house things started to go down hill. The sky opened up—no not literally—but rain began to pour down the instant I opened the door to leave. Now don’t get me wrong. I love the rain. I seem to do everything better when it rains. I especially like it when the rain is pouring down outside when I wake up. I pretty much stay in bed until it stops raining. 

Okay, back to the date. I’m ticked off because I know I am going to get soaked and have to put up with idoic drivers who think they are on a “dry” track down at the Texas Motor Speedway. I want to cancel but it is too late to do so. What else is there for me to do but suck it up? So I say “see you later” to Rocky who is making the saddest eyes possible, the sound of thunder reverberates through the apartment. Rocky jumps about six feet in the air. He has this think about lightening and thunder, so I feel even worse about leaving him behind. I swear he whimpered and leaked out a tear as he realized I was leaving. And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that at that moment, I felt like crying too.

Red Flag #1: If you feel like crying before your date, you probably shouldn’t go.

The only reason I got out of the apartment and into my car was by thinking about what my mother and the “friend” who hooked me up with this guy would say. Not that I would really care about what they thought, I just didn’t want to hear all of the ranting and raving that would accompany it.

This date quickly became what  I like to refer a “defensive date.” It’s a date you go on with your defenses up because you think the other person is falling for you faster than you are falling for them. I hate going on dates like this because I constantly have my “foot on the brakes” being nice but not so much so that he thinks I’m going home with him.

Red Flag #2: Don’t go out on a date if with someone if you are just being nice to them because you don’t want to hurt their feelings by saying no.

The date became decidedly worse when he looked at me and says “Man, you are so hot. Why are you still single?”  

Now we all know how I feel about “that” question. And if you don’t scroll back a few blogs and you will.

Then he added: “You seem like a really happy person. And a really busy person. It seems like you don’t need a man. So why are you even dating?”

Um, how do you answer that? “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were only dating dejected, desperate girls?” “I apologize for my content and full life?” Uh, yeah right!

Red Flag #3: If you have to justify why you are happy with your life it may be a sign that they aren’t. So move on.

He then went on to ask why I’d broken up with my last boyfriend. Now, if we’d been dating for months I might answer. But date number two? And it wasn’t even truly date two because our first “date” had been a twenty minute conversation while at a coffee break with my “friend”  at a local coffee shop. This guy just so happened to show up at the same time my “friend” and I were there—which I still think was "arranged" to this day So, with that being the case I only count that as a introduction.

At this point, I literally had lowered my face into my hands and really wanted to leave. In fact, if I’d had a $20 bill, I would have thrown it down and walked out. But at that time very rarely did I carry cash with me. A habit I have since rectified.

I really considered telling him I wanted to go home now but again got stuck by the feeling that “it would be mean and hurt his feelings.” Me and my stupid manners. Although I have to admit that after this date I wouldn’t be so “nice” now.

So you figure the night can’t get any worse right? Wrong! From there, he nervously relayed a story to me involving him and all the “crazy” antics he has pulled due to dares. Some are so gross my the food in my stomach starts to feel like lead. That’s right. He reverted from man to adolescent boy trying to impress the girl in a matter of seconds.

Somehow, I sucked it up and tried to get through the evening as politely quickly as possible even though inside I was really disappointed an pissed off. I got home as quickly as I could, called my “friend” and told her not to do me anymore “favors”. Of course she was shocked when I detailed the events of the evening. I am proud to say she hasn’t made any attempts to set me up again.

Still, later on that night, I crawled into bed with Rocky. I couldn’t decide whom I was more ticked off at, me or the “Bad Date Man”. In the end I won out, for not trusting my instinct and canceling the date not matter how “rude” it may have seemed and for not leaving—which kept me in a situation I didn’t need or want to be in.

Believe me when I say this is just one of the many horrific dates I have been on. Of course I realize I’m not alone in the world of bad dates so feel free to share a few of you on experiences.

Again I just thought this blog would be a good precursor to the short story I will be releasing this weekend. Until then…

“Why are you still single?”

I cringed but, looked him in the eye, and asked “Why are you still single? You’re 8 years older than me!”

Okay okay. So I might have overreacted, but seriously I have been asked this question too many times! For some reason when I am asked this question I feel like I am being judged and then like I must justify myself. Insane since I am usually a person who gives a flip about what you say or think.

So I stare across the table at this man who clearly never received a lesson on first date etiquette and contemplate what my answer should be...

“Well, you see, I was in a past relationship that ended a while back, then I decided I'd had enough with "sneaky snakes" and wanted to be by myself. To be alone, without the anal discharge (thanks Tracy). I only recently decided that I want to starting dating again."

Or: “I’m still figuring out what kind of person I want to be with (and after the question you just asked you clearly aren't it).”

These are all real responses that I’ve actually given that I’ll stand behind. But me being the over-analytical person that I am, it is the underlying question they’re not asking is far worse: “What’s wrong with you that has prevented you from finding a man by now?”

Okay, now seriously, if there was something terribly wrong with me, do you think I would tell you?

The first time I was asked this was a couple of years ago, while I celebrated New Years with a group of wonderful, single, and intelligent friends. I had broken up with a man I wasn't meant to be with on any level, two months before.

My girls are I were intent on having a good time, trying to pretend the room wasn’t filled with happy couples when a drunk and unfortunately attractive man stumbled by our table, did a double take, grabbed onto my friend Veronica’s chair for stability and slurred it out “Wha—at are all you boo-ta-ful women doing single?”

There it was. The question that we were trying not to think about, not that day. There was a moment of silence. And then, as the smart, sexy women we are, we counterattacked.

“We haven’t found anyone we like yet.”

"Oh, am I single? I didn’t remember. But thank you so much for bringing that up!”

“We’re happier this way!”

The waitress hovering nearby suggested loudly he buy us all a shot. We agreed. He sat down, had some tequila with us and we forgave him his rudeness.

The next time the question surfaced was on a first date. I probably replied in a combination of the above responses and added the comment to my mental list of his growing negatives checks. (I’m sorry, but I really don’t want to talk about your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or ex-lover for two hours straight the first time I meet you!)

The thing is, it’s an offensive comment no matter who asks it. If my uncle or my aunt asked, I might be able to throw it off with a glib comment and a laugh and it wouldn't bother me. I would like to say a girlfriend would never ask that because we know better but unfortunately I can't. Probably because they are all getting married and squeezing out kids at an alarming rate.

I won't even get started on my mother who I love very dearly. At this point, I honestly think the woman doesn't care if I get married. She just wants grandchildren!