Jay has one goal: To crack his case. All that stands between him and success is Delicious. Erotic Humor
This story is a byproduct of a comment made by Judy on yesterday’s “Which do you prefer” blog. Google gathers the search terms used when folks stumble upon sites (cache). Site owners use these terms to streamline their sites (SEO). Some of the terms are useful and others are downright bizarre—really, I don’t know where Google gets this stuff.
Anyway, instead of answering the survey questions directly, Judy patched her answers together and made a sentence. I loved the idea, so I decided to write a story using terms from my Google log—the results is the patched up story below. You can thank Judy for this monstrosity and have fun picking out the terms.
And yes, it’s meant to be awful. Enjoy!
Jay, a strapping squared-jawed detective/private eye/bodyguard/bartender, crawled his way from the gutters of Boston. He's a bad mofo with love for no one. As he leaves the bar, his phone rings.
“Yello,” He says in a swarthy Boston accent. “Mickie, what is it?” He spots his fine piece of American engineering across the darken parking lot, a dookie brown 1971 Chevy Vega Kammback Wagon with peanut butter interior. Yeah, it looks like a turd on wheels but he's living the dream. “A job? This time of night?” He shifts the Chinese food containers to the floor. The cracked leather seat pinches through his jeans.
“Crime doesn’t have a watch,” Mickie points out. “Its game time fella and you’re up to bat. Keep on your toes! This little lady goes by the name Delicious. She’s a half Black/half Asian/half White princess who’s down on her luck and has turned to stripping and tricking to make ends meet. Her needlework is phenomenal but her pimp guards it with his life. The sooner you get him out of the picture, the sooner we’ll know who let the dogs out. We have reason to believe she was a witness but in no way connected with the actual letting out of the dogs.”
Jay scribbles Mickie’s words on a loose napkin. “Anything else?”
“Wait a sec….something’s coming across my wireless….let me read it….Ummm, looks like she’s down with O.P.P.”
“Yeah, you know me!” Jay tosses the napkin in the passenger seat. “Address?”
“357 Oaktown Lane.”
“Got it. Call you later.” Jay hangs up and pulls a u-turn in the middle of the street, he missed his exit.
Jay arrives at Delicious’ apartment complex. Even for a hooker/stripper/princess, it was a rather uninspired place to dwell. Whatever, he was there to do a job. He knocks and a short, curly haired Dora the Explorer look-alike answers. They smile innocently, and begin conversing. They share stories of good times and bad experiences. The whole time, Jay eyes are focused on her blooming cleavage. Her big fluffy tits could make a blind man sit up and beg for butter milk!
After an intense round of rock, paper, scissors, it’s decided that Delicious should take off her clothes and blow Jay, pronto!
Delicious wraps her juicy full lips around his cock and his brain goes numb. His entire being was focused on the trembling pole of man meat pumping her wet sticky gullet. “Oh fuck, Delicious!” Jay closes his eyes, fist her luminous locks and piston fucks her slutty little gob like it owes him money.
Delicious, so moved by the fact that she’s being tamed by a detective/private eye/bodyguard/bartender, sucks harder and thirstily.
“You want my baby batter?” Jay pumps balls deep.
“Gurgle—gurgle—gurgle…” says Delicious.
“Oh, you’re a wordsmith.” He grips her head tighter and thrust faster. “I’m gonna coat your throat with my man-juice. Tell me you want it.”
“I bet you say that to all the guys.” Jay bounces her head like he’s driving the lane with four seconds on the clock. His balls tingle, his abs flex….once, twice…”Take my batter…take my batter!” he shouts a long, deep groan and hot magma gushes from his cock like the Fourth of July. Delicious jacks wave after wave of man-naise from his pulsating wonder rod, and tries to catch it in her mouth. “Oh Thumper!” Jay cries then goes limp, watching Delicious lick the last drops of his energy off his throbbing head. He lies still for a few minutes then cums again—this time intentionally aiming for her eyes.
“Why did you call me Thumper?” asks Delicious.
“Did I?” Jay stands and bends her over the sofa. “That’s odd. Are you sure I called you Thumper?”
“Umm, sorry, won’t happen again” Jay rubs his cock against her pussy lips and licks her sweaty neck, then plunges his monster cock deep into her naughty little pussy. “Damn it, Delicious. Your puffy brown lips are choking my cock!” He pushes her ass upwards and drills his fat piece of man meat deeper and deeper until she screams and squirts jets of female cum everywhere. Then he really starts screwing her good and hard; pounding harder and fast assaulting her sweet-spot….more squirting and screaming… more pounding and slapping her clit with his engorged balls.
“Thug fuck me, Jay! Rub my clit and mercilessly punish my furburger with your white cock!! Make me squirt on your seed laden ball sack, Jay! Cum for me, you poonany banging manwhore.” Her cum sprays the sofa, the floor, and both of them.
Jay’s swollen power pistol has a mind of its own—he’s makin’ bacon with a filthy mouth squirty girl and loving it! “Oh Thumper, I’m gonna cum on your face, I’m gonna cum on your face!!! I’m cumming! Turn over!” With an audible pop and screaming like a man possessed by the sprite of John Holmes, Jay pulls out and jerks streams of piping hot man chowder all over her face and chest—hitting with such ferocity that Delicious is instantly smothered and his legs are reduced to jelly. “Open your mouth.” He pulls her head back and fucks the last bit of man gravy down her throat.
They catch their breath and Delicious goes to rectify Jay’s damage. She returns and lies in Jay’s arms on the floor and says. “I have a disease, a sort of cancer. I’m dying. I only have five minutes to live. I love you, Jay.”
What the fuck?! He thinks to himself. "No matter what, I will always love you,” He says. “And no matter what, you are the one I adore.”
“Hold me, Jay. Don’t let me go to the light.”
“Mickie and his stupid case can go to hell,” Jay says with conviction, then thinks better of it. “…but…er…if you could tell me what you know…”
“No!” Delicious silences him dramatically. “I’m taking my secrets and needlework to the grave. I just want to spend my last moments with you.” *cue sofa opera music* “I’m getting weaker; it’s difficult to stay awake.” She collapses, breathing shallow. “Please hold my hand. I see the light. I love you more than anyone. You are my only true love, but now my time is up and I’ll watch over you from above,” Delicious goes limp in Jay's arms.
“No God, whhhyyyyyy??!!!” he shouts to the heavens. “Who is she kidding?! She’s going to hell for her licentious ways! Whhhyyyy!!! Who let the dogs out!!” *cue tears*