Let’s face it, we all have sexual fantasies. Whether it’s the naughty schoolgirl or the bank teller that caught your eye, we all have them. However, engaging in a few minutes of dirty talk before tackling one another isn’t the same as sexual role play. Sexual role play takes you deeper into character; it’s multi-dimensional and it librates you from your daily routine.

Don’t get me wrong, dirty talk is hot…I love dirty talk but it’s not role play. Role play takes preparation and requires some sexual forethought; whereas dirty talk is a few dirty words…a smack on the ass and away we go.

Generally speaking the nervousness one feels about sexual role play comes from the lack of preparation. The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you and your mate will be in character. The best way to avoid these speed bumps or 'dead air’ is to break it down—build your scene using the following:

* Who do you want to be?
* What’s the scenario?
* How can you dress it up?
* What’s your motivation?
* What (and where) are the boundaries and the ground rules?   

My recommendation to couples who want to explore the Kinkier side of town where the naturally non-dominate man will be playing a dominate part is to create an alter ego. Have fun with it…turn it into a “Me, Myself & Irene” thing. Completely go balls to the walls! Give your alter ego a name, job, a certain walk or stare, taste palate, build him/her a past. This will help you stay in character and rid some of the guilt if you will.

Example: Mike would never think of tying his wife to the bed and riding her like a pony but “Luke” would. Which means Mike is in the clear when the scene ends!

There again, it takes forethought and tapping into what turns you on. In the beginning, it’s difficult for some people to jump in to character, however as you become accustom to ‘playing’ it will become easier to get into character. A few months ago I helped a married couple build a scene and I was shocked how well the husband (very shy) got into his character, Todd. He totally dove in and built Todd to the hilt. I was baking cookies and offered to make them a batch—the husband says, “Todd doesn’t like oatmeal raisin.”

That’s the spirit! Really get in there and create your alter ego. I'll peel away at the character layers tomorrow. You're gonna love it!

Bottom line: Dirty talk is bare bones and can be done on the fly whereas sexual role play takes time—it’s more in-depth. And in my opinion, ten times hotter than dirty talk. Put some thought into what you want to happen and tune in tomorrow.

Tomorrow’s topic: Choosing a scenario and Finding your motivation and character.