Dereon (pron. Darry-ahn) Boudreaux took a long languid look at the man she had just made love with.  His long thick lashes flickering as a soft snore emitted from him.  She loved his hair, soft brown and golden hues to match his eyes, deep crater dimples that would make a liar of anyone who said he wasn't fine, can't escape mentioning those loaded guns strapped to the top of his six foot five frame.  Long, muscular, thick and he even had a body to match it too.  He had earned his rest.  Dinner was fabulous-chicken marsala, white zinfandel, fresh bread hot from the oven, and crisp chilled garden salad with the little garlic croutons he knew she loved.   Everything was right, but something was missing.

No fizzle.  The chemistry just wasn't there. She spent days, even months trying to manufacture it.  If any woman needed to open her wound and bear the babies of the hulky independently wealthy Jamieson Scalia, he was there for the taking...left kicked like a puppy against the side of the road, where Dereon left him.  It wasn't all bad on her part.  She did try. She spent time with him.  She took an interest in the things he loved.  He wasn't perfect but he tried.  The trouble was her.  She wasn't in love and it pained her to keep denying it.  Jamieson so wanted to please her.

Dereon struggled for weeks on how to tell him, how to break his heart, because as much as she tried...the magic didn't come and she was sure by now it wouldn't likely ever be around.  She was twenty-two, and too young to be selling herself short, she thought.  She had the world in the palm of her hand.  She needed to break free.  His love was suffocating her and he just wouldn't hear her needs, those small little requests that could set things right.  He felt her though, all of the passion leftover from her past affairs displayed openly in their love making.  And she gave it all to him.  Poor guy didn't know that behind her lids her mind was as distant as the Milky Way.  Every stroke he gave to her she took, but she was merely going through the motions.    She wished she could love him.

Day after day, she picked indiscriminate things to talk about, searching for reasons to not throw him to the wolves, because she couldn't see giving it all up for nothing.   He wasn't perfect.  But in his opinion, he tried his best.  Dereon wished maybe if he could be just a little more sensitive to her sexual and emotional needs, fight for her, make her feel that she wasn't a habit forming-something he had grown used to having around, then maybe she'd dig in and try to make it work.  But he wasn't listening.  He thought it was a perfect world and she wasn't aware of what she'd be missing out on her own.

She blinked back tears, strained behind a levy cracking at the seams. She was so taken by him at first.  He was everything she had ever wanted in a man-sexy, independent, a great cook, didn't mind spending money on her, even would surprise her with a gift every now and then, believing he hadn't been good enough when she'd pout tantrum and hold out with the sex. 

"Jamie, I want to get married."

"Ok...we can do that."  He kissed her soft brown shoulders while holding her in his strong arms.  It was one of her surprise visits, thinking spontaneity would help keep the wick burning.

"I'm serious..." She whined.

"I am too.  Let's do it baby."  Jamie returned, pushing his large palm beneath the waistband of her stretchy mint green leggings, delving past the rim of her panty searching for the heat of her core.  

He could be so sexy to her at times. And then the cold chill would return.  But for now she could get anything she requested, his dick was solid, her pussy was purring for him.  He was at her beckon call as his hardened member pressed to the crease of her ass.  Lathering her neck with kisses and causing her breath to catch, he followed the lead of the whimpering sounds as they fell from her lips.

"We can really do it..."  She wanted validation, surprised he was willing to turn in his bachelor card.

"Yeah...we can fly to Vegas and..."  His voice hitched, choked on the feel of her swollen nub.

"Uh nuh...no!   Stop!"  Dereon barked.   The soundtrack in his head came to a screeching halt.

"Baby, what's wrong...come on?  I want you, so bad..."  Tasting from his unhitched fingers the liquid essence of her sex, Jamieson wanted more of her.  "Let's go upstairs and discuss it."  He arbitrated.

"Nothing to discuss Jamie, I'm not flying to Vegas and get married in some chapel!  I'm only doing this once and I want my family and friends there..."

"Ok...love...whatever you want.  Come on."  He pulled at her hand.  And when she gave a light giggle, he scooped her into his arms and carried to the upper level, pushing past the bedroom door and placing her on the large California King Bed.  Carnal need enveloped them as they pulled and ripped at clothing until they lay bare in birth form, with Dereon beneath him as he sucked at her earlobe kissing down to her neck and over the length of her torso.  A short visit he paid to her plump nipples while fingering her soaked pussy.

"H mm.  You're so wet.  I want you so bad D."

Hitching her legs upwards to his hips Jamieson pressed his sheathed penis to the entry of her body wading through the juice and sinking below, filling her with every inch of him.

She admired him for being a safe guy.  But it wasn't the condoms she hated as much as she cursed the brand he used.  Offering him Magnums once, it turned into an interrogation on who she'd tried them on before or during their time together.  Avoiding an argument, she'd put off the subject almost always.  It was tiring to discuss.  His notes played the same.  He wouldn't budge, kept using the same blue seal Trojan.  She thought condoms were troop, but having one that provided the giver and receiver pleasure was the entire point of the usage.

As much as she enjoyed the hot thick poker stroking her to bliss, she needed him out of her after a few pulsations. Only way she could get him to follow was by shutting down, and so she did as per usual. Lowering her knees and straightening her legs praying he'd get to the point.  He slowed his cadence, eyes flew wide open, dumfounded that she wasn't enjoying the loving as he was.

"What's...wrong baby?"  He asked.

"You know what."  She whispered, sucking her breath and wishing he'd hurry up and get the hell off of her.

Several quick pumps and then he praised the euphoria that was engulfing him.  He didn't quite understand that the little things that would make all of the difference, like changing the brand of condoms he used.  Sex was special to him.  He loved it and she enjoyed having it to share with him.  He made her feel sexy and together they were the envy of his friends, a budding power couple they were lauded to be.  The envy of his single boys-- they all wanted them some brown sugar like the one Jamie had caught.  A few even tried to step to her, casual flirts she'd cut off at the knees.

Jamie was so aloof that he hadn't even realized that his boy Mario Longo was stealing way too many glances from his lady.  Mario was reared in the urban jungle, smooth as silk against any rough plains, he could have stolen Dereon away right out of the bed while Jamie wasn't looking, likely asleep, snoring, pleased and believing he was the shit and had put it down.  Mario was making his claim known; placing extra special effort at meeting her in private chats the moment Jamie would leave the room or vacate the crowd of their many hosted barbeques.  Dereon couldn't deny that something came off of Mario like a heavy whack tapping against her back.  His swagger was so totally different than Jamie's that the attraction frightened her.  She couldn't tell by looking at him but she sensed the primal heat that engulfed them whenever he was around.

**

She expected his visit on that day of questioning, but prayed he'd put it off until the late evening.  Mario was coming by to pick up a weight lifting belt.   Jamie had several considering keeping his body carved right was one of his missions in life. Mario was ready to go in a second after Dereon handed it off to him.  She could tell by the lingering presence and small talk that gave notice to the reason as to why he was really there in the first place.  She continued moving away, the grand floor of the kitchen she used as a spacer, believing it now from the look in his eye that the belt was just an excuse.

Guilty for the way he made her wet with want, Dereon questioned his loyalty and friendship to Jamie, though never expressing her mounting attraction towards him.  She hated her feelings and cursed every sight of them.  She begged without warning Jamie of the real deal--to keep his friend away from her.  She didn't trust him.

"He just wants to get to know you."  Jamie naively suggested.  "He's harmless."

"I don't trust him."  Dereon admitted.   "You shouldn't either."

And then it happened.  On his way out, she closed the distance only to shut and lock the door behind him.  Instead of exiting like a good boy, Mario turned and grabbed her pressing her into the wall adjacent to the kitchen counter.  In seconds he had lifted her to the flat surfaced top.  His kiss was greedy with want as he pressed his tongue through her lips, wanting and not wanting it she accepted it gradually but with slight resistance.

"No...Mario...don't!"   She begged, pushing her hands up, wedging herself away from him.

"Don't what?  You know you want this."  She did.  But she wasn't going to admit it.  Not here.  Her pussy drooled for his touch.  If the kiss he stole was anything in comparison to the intent he'd put on her labials she'd just die.  Circling her crotch, wafting in her essence he nibbled her through clothed skin.    "I know you want your pussy eaten?  You can't tell me that Jamie is eating it right."  He ran his hands along her long silky legs, kissing behind every musical touch, hiking her dress higher and higher.

"Don't."  She pushed him off.  "Please Mario.  Jamie."  He didn't listen, to anything but the feeling that she was giving in to him in spite her mouths protest.

"He needs to see.  I can look at you and see he ain't puttin' it on you right."

"Let me fuck you baby...give you what you been missin'."  He marketed his interest, pulling her to his mouth, kissing her more passionately than before.  And if everything had gone to black in the well lit space she didn't know differently.  Mario pulled and pried her panties down.  By the time they hit the floor and his mouth watered for a yummy feast, Jamie's car pulled into the driveway.

"Shit!" 

Mario released her suddenly, adjusting his shirt to hide his erection.  Dereon hopped down from the counter and ran to the first floor bath to clean herself and vaporize the sexual flush.  Mario grabbed a beer from the fridge and shifted his gaze, blocking out the on-coming of Jamieson's entrance into the space, while tucking her lacy panty into his front pocket.

"Hey...what's happening?"  Dereon heard Jamieson say through the closed washroom door.   Her back pressed against the wooden plain.  No fists flying, she just knew they were caught, and so relieved at the unknowing expression of Jamie.  She wasn't fooling herself anymore.  Mario was going to keep pursuing her until she gave in.  She had to put some distance between herself and this growing attraction she had for him.  Only one way to do it, she thought.  A deep sigh and a handful of cold tap water cooled her heat.

Later that evening...

Finally the pinnacle had been reached.  Maybe it wasn't Jamie.  She considered maybe she was the problem.  When he pulled out and discarded the condom Dereon knew this was to be their last time.  She knew it with every fiber of her being that her walls would shriek in pain no more.    Fuck!   She looked over at him and a single tear flowed from her face captured in her ear as she turned eyes randomly searching answers in the ceiling fan blades.

He leaned over and kissed her cheek and she froze to his touch.

"I need to be going."  She sat up and searched the floor for her discarded clothing as he stroked her back caressing the brown creamy smooth surface, willing her back underneath the crisp sheets.  She didn't want to look at him.  She just wanted to get dressed, get home and take a good bath in lukewarm water.   Feeling him watch her every movement and yet never speaking a single word.  He couldn't understand, just didn't see the nuance of what he had caused.

Usually dressing in front of him, this time she did so in the silence of the bathroom, amidst the muffled sounds of running water, where she cried.    Dereon stared at her reflection, spied her burning irises streaked in red and was officially done with the lie.  She just couldn't live it anymore.  "How do women do this?"  Live a lie; believing they are happy when they aren't?  How does one pretend that they are happy when their needs, basic needs go unanswered?

***

Eighteen months later...

Andie's wedding was coming.  Fast approaching, a beautiful June nuptial was planned. The Cartwrights went big or not at all.  And this event would honor the first daughter of their clan.  It was sure to be in the local papers, no doubt.  Andie and her mother had gone to Bridal Shows in Chicago looking for the right dress for her baby to make that ceremonial pledge in.

Dereon and Andie weren't the best of friends but were close enough as neighbors growing up in the same neighborhood of Del Pointe Subs.  Dereon counted off yet another one-one more associate to get married and she was still single.  She was sour about it, but the mood sweetened fast as the music came on and the jean clad, wife beater wearing construction worker, sexy as he could be, he began to gyrate to the instrumental music of Jay Z and Foxy Brown's "I'll Be", winding his hips in circular motions simulating sex.  He spied the guest of honor who pushed him off of her and onto the cooing ladies that were fanning dollar bills edging him to come hither.  He danced by the name "Italian Ice."

Grinding his crotch in the bosom of a few while collecting toll fees and moving along the line of his adoring fans, Dereon could only see his tight ass cheeks from her view.  As he moved around paying every scream some extra special attention he finally pressed his thick muscular body into Dereon's clear view.   "Mario?"  She stymied.   "Dereon?"  He inquired sheepishly.