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Sexual Independence: Give Me Doggystyle or Give Me Death!
- By Tracy Ames
- Published June 16, 2010
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It’s no secret that I despise rules that encroach on personal liberties. Big, little, shiny, and dull, I dislike them all mainly because they insult me on a cerebral level, as if I don’t possess the cognitive ability to decipher life’s mysteries on my own. It makes me wonder what the hell I was doing when the great Oracle was dishing up heaping bowls of common sense. By and large, rules, to me, make broad sweeping generalizations on complex and dynamic subjects and beings. I find those rules governing a woman’s sexuality particularly frustrating, especially when they come from within our gender.
Feminist burned their bras for our freedoms*. These women sacrificed their time and energy, exposed themselves to mockery and hate from man as well as brainwashed women for the sole purpose of granting their fellow sisters the opportunity to bask in the glory of their individuality. They fought for our equality amongst men. They spit in the face of female objectification; sexual independence was their call to arms. No man had the right to place restrictions on our sexuality. We were intelligent beings, capable of making personal choices without the interference of men. We would define ourselves. Our judgment, not theirs!
Then why, in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary, do they deem us sexually ignorant? I hear the cynics, “But Tracy, they don’t think women are ignorant.” Okay, then why do they insist on defining what’s proper sexually for us? Why do they condemn their fellow sisters for polishing up their fellatio skills? Why does the mention of doggystyle stick in their craws?
What are the accepted positions? Missionary? Nope, can’t have a man on top. Riding him? Nope, we’re doing all the work while lazy-man gets his kicks. Hand job? Out of the question, here again, the woman is doing all of the heavy lifting. Cunnilingus? Oh yeah, baby! But what about the sex acts that are inherently degrading to women? Now, I’m just spit-balling, but, I’m pretty sure a kneeling blow job and taking a shot to the face would probably get you kicked off the island. I guess I can toss out my copy of the Karma Sutra—I wouldn’t want to get caught with heretical literature lest I be burned at the stake.
My problem is this: There is no such thing as partial liberty. A person can’t be almost free anymore than a woman can be a little pregnant. You either are or you aren’t, so don’t waste time quibbling over the fine points. This is especially true when it comes to our sexuality. See, sexual liberation put women atop a mighty horse, intrinsically making us masters. We were told our horse would take us to our sexual dominion and beyond; atop this bright, shiny new horse we were invincible, shackled to no man. Oh, but wait. What we didn’t observe at the time were the boundaries drawn around us by the people who put us up there. No matter, some said, as long as we stayed within the confines of sisterhood we could gallop to our heart’s content. However, one wrong step, and we’re shot in the head and the horse gets a one-way ticket to the glue factory.
I like to consider myself a rather sharp person, but in this I find myself at a profound loss. In essence, by freeing ourselves from the male dominated world of sexuality and adopting the feminist lifestyle of sexual “freedom” we women have exchanged one yoke for another. We’re complex creatures with strange and indescribable standards of attraction that are just about as unintelligible and arbitrary as our individual tastes in literature, music, or fashion. Therefore being yoked to someone else’s sexual ideology should feel, to us, as unnatural as Dolly Parton’s breasts. It begs the question, why as free thinking adults do we implicitly or explicitly cower to others’ ideals?
I’m aware these contradictions go farther than feminism itself. Passing judgment on others’ sexuality is indeed part of our culture. It’s what we do. And women are apt to stone another female whom she believes lacks moral principles while she herself isn’t living the life of a nun. Pardon my bluntness, however, I must say this as plainly as possible: To allow anyone jurisdiction over your body and judgment, male or female, is to go against your conscious. This is not only unsafe but fucking stupid. No one can give you self-worth; therefore, no one has the right to place restrictions on you or dictate how you should live your life … sexually speaking or otherwise.
Personally, I don’t care for bukakee; but, if a woman wants to have multiple men ejaculate in her face, then I’ll hand her a towel. Just because someone else’s sexuality doesn’t jive with ours doesn’t mean they’re perverse, it simply means it’s not our taste. That being said, there are no fundamentally degrading sexual positions/acts because the intimacy of a moment can only be understood by those engaged in the act itself. To have such a belief, to marginalize certain acts as inherently degrading is to, again, make a broad sweeping generalization about something so complex, so dynamic, and, ultimately, too personal for anyone other than the participants to mediate.
So, I call upon all ladies to mount those horses and ride like the wind!
* I don’t completely grasp how saggy boobies assured my future happiness but I’m told that by the time the bonfire smoldered to its flickering end, my sexual liberties were all but guaranteed. Thanks ladies...er, I guess.
Spread The Word
44 Responses to "Sexual Independence: Give Me Doggystyle or Give Me Death!"
said this on 17 Jun 2010 2:10:58 AM CDT
Well written! enjoyed it very much :-)
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 2:25:38 AM CDT
Thanks Judy! One day my mouth is going to get me in trouble. But they'll have to catch me first. My horse is pretty fast. :)
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 1:09:44 PM CDT
I loved the article. I find it interesting that many of us women judge each other more when it comes to sexual positions *(girl, you nasty) or *(I will never do that) than men actually do. Most of all, I'm going to be the woman I want to be regardless. If I'm being satisfied the way I want, then there is no problem for me. Thanks Ms. Tracy for the fabulous article.
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 4:24:57 PM CDT
I believe I speak for a large portion of the heterosexual female population when I say we want there to be heavy lifting when giving a man a hand job.
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 6:31:36 PM CDT
Great article I totally agree with everything! I'm mean the whole point of sexual freedom is to decide your sexual boundaries for yourself. No one else has the right to tell you what's acceptable for you sexually or otherwise. I would also like to say HELL YEAH! to Lydia! Yes I want some heavy lifting going on if I'm going to give a man a hand job! lol
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 7:13:58 PM CDT
Thank you, Crystal. ;)
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said this on 17 Jun 2010 7:27:45 PM CDT
Thanks guys. I'm pretty sure it'll piss a few people off but whatever....I can take the heat. :)
Don't encourage Lydia. |
said this on 18 Jun 2010 5:56:52 PM CDT
I write this concerned that I am getting way too serious about a topic that is probably is supposed to be much more light hearted.
I would describe myself as a feminist, but I mean it in its most pure context. I have more that a few problems with feminism as is has been practiced in this country. Women should be granted the freedom and the privilege of making decisons about their body,life, expression of their sexuality. It wasn't so long ago that a Black woman were cosigned to two choices, she could either be the "Mammy" figure or the "Sexual deviant". We are slowly loosing the vestiges of those characterizations and women within the Black community are probably the strictest practitioners of its tenets regarding repression. Hey, it wasn't so long ago that being a female and Black made us easy targets, perpetrators of violence against us could be assured of their freedom to attack without threat of repercussion when we were "messed" with. We kept ourselves wrapped up real tight so that men didn't get any "ideas." I hear you when you encourage us to loose the shackles of our repressed sexuality. But there have generations of Grandma's who told little Black girls how to act "like little ladies"-with the translation being" how to stay as safe as possible in an inherently unsafe world". Ladies we will get there. We just need the opportunity to feel it is truly safe. I am sorry-I will get off my soap box now. |
said this on 18 Jun 2010 6:14:21 PM CDT
Olga, stay on your soap box. Don't come down. This is open pasture...ride like the wide!
You're right. There are generations of Grandmas who preached being "lady-like"...h ell, my Grandama was one of them. But lady-like doesn't equate to boring especially when the little girls grow into adulthood. Or I would hope they'd grow out of it. I believe some people use feminism to push their own agenda. I'm talking about the prudes or ultra feminist who seek out (create) injustice where there is none. It's like they have a chip on their shoulder and use feminism as their call to arms when really it's them being flaming twats. Not everything has to be a battle. I wish they'd see this. But screw it if they don't. What goes on inside others bedrooms isn't their business. Then again, that goes for anyone...not just feminist. Okay, I'm rambling...I'm gonna sign off now. :) |
said this on 18 Jun 2010 6:43:05 PM CDT
I agree. Are those ultra-feminist the ones that believe the only way you can achieve sexual equity is if you love another woman? With them, if you like dick, you will never be right.
Oops! I better go out to dinner, before I get myself in more trouble. |
said this on 22 Jun 2010 3:04:17 AM CDT
Preach Tracey! A good thing can be taken to far and many have done this with feminism. The original intent was to give women choices but somewhere along the way the choice seemed to be taken away and women were made to feel unworthy unless they fulfilled a new ideal that was not necessarily their own. It's been observed that every revolution or reformation carries with it the seeds of the next revolution. Humans have always had a penchant for taking things to to far and certain adherents of the feminist movement exhibit this tendancy, which makes this article and your stand for reason and individual choice so important.
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said this on 22 Jun 2010 11:04:29 PM CDT
Yes indeed! The original intent was golden, it was absolutely necessary. But somewhere along the way it fell into the wrong hands. Or, better yet, the wrong people picked it up and are using it to push their own agendas. The sentiment has been lost. Luckily, we have a fresh breed of intelligent young Ladies coming up from the rare....they'll take a different path but they'll get us over the finish line. ;-)
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said this on 22 Jun 2010 3:34:29 PM CDT
Great post, Tracy. As one of the old(er) bra burning guard, I salute you. Your honesty empowered your words. Your words will empower other women. Excellent writing!
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said this on 22 Jun 2010 10:49:52 PM CDT
Thank you so much, Phoenix! Coming from the old (er) guard that means alot. I hope folks get the message. :)
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said this on 23 Jun 2010 5:22:43 PM CDT
Awww, I like this one. I gave up on being a feminist awhile back and became a meist which means it only matters what makes me happy, what I want to do with my body and sexuality and if I'm okay with it and I'm not hurting me or anyone else I'm cool. When I infringe on your rights or you infringe on mine, then we have a wrong. I no longer answer questions or explain to anyone why I do what I do. If you don't like it, too bad, if you don't understand it, so what. I say people need to get some business and stay out of mine.
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said this on 23 Jun 2010 8:50:28 PM CDT
I think all of us have become Meist. I wonder why feel the need to judge others when it has nothing to do with them? If I don't like something I don't do it. Period.
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said this on 08 Aug 2010 10:41:33 AM CDT
On the one hand I think it would be great if we could work all this sexual tension and weird biases out. On the other hand I find all the discussions fascinating. Just talking about what everyone's rules and revised rules and new imposed or self imposed limits is half the damned fun.
As for Lydia's remarks, as a hetero male I say there should be NO heavy lifting. One should simply "rise above." ;-) |
said this on 08 Aug 2010 11:14:26 AM CDT
Barney, it is facinating until your horse gets shot! lol. No, I like chatting about human sexuality. It's interesting to see who/what shapes who we become sexually. No heavy lifting required. ;-)
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said this on 09 Aug 2010 2:59:13 PM CDT
You're absolutely correct, Barney. ;) I bow down to your clearer thinking.
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said this on 08 Aug 2010 4:27:29 PM CDT
Tracy - Hell, I'm like some idiot who has been shot up with sodium pentathol where perhaps others won't want to get into specifics.
Who do you think is doing most of the judgement passing? Or a disproportionate amount? I mean are we breaking this down; male/female white non-white male/female white non-white are we discussing biases rooted in religion/faith or conservative/liberal, etc. and - since I just got here, how much of these comments should I be reading as loaded racially or race neutral? I ask because I don't want to go to far a field of a mission statement. Truth in advertising - I am a middle-aged white male. Liberal. Hitchens style atheist. I am straight - but I was briefly the only straight staff writer for GAYDAR magazine. Four articles. Bit of a thought experiment. In my *recent* experience rather than judging or being judged I have been having a few interesting discussions where it seems either I never understood what women wanted OR trends in porn are driving expectations of younger women. And I really don't know which is the case. So, for instance, recently I found myself in a discussion with an Asian woman who seemed very shy but who was very much into domination/humiliation/bondage/choking and finally told me she had NO problem with "breaking skin and a bit of blood." [By that time she had lost me and I don't get lost easy.] Even more "normal" conversations seem to get around to things like anal and choking so quickly they sort of make my head spin. And not the smaller one. So... umm... there. I'm guessing someone will have something to say to at least a bit of that. ;-) - Barney |
said this on 08 Aug 2010 5:15:34 PM CDT
Barney, you're too funny! Domination/humiliation/bo ndage/choking can throw some people off quickly. The only straight guy, huh. Well, no one can’t say you haven’t lived. lol
We welcome and respect all opinions. My site is an open forum for everyone's opinions to be heard without judgment. I draw the line at scat...long story. The readers here pretty neutral and don’t mind voicing their opinions. Have at it! Either way you break it down the problem of being judged come from all directions: faith based, conservative, liberal, male/female, and race. I don't like when people try to steer Black women away from dating White men using the old argument that the only reason they want us is because they think we’re promiscuous when in fact the real reason they’re against interracial dating is their own prejudice or repressed desires. The same goes for sexual freedom. They throw stones because they’re fighting their own demons. Or at least that’s how I see it. The faith based judgment tears my butt into ribbons! Everyone has their own faith…I get it, however, it kills me to see people hide behind their faith as a way of not facing their fears. Sorry I ranted. *Gets off of soapbox* |
said this on 08 Aug 2010 5:54:40 PM CDT
Just some quick notes now that I have the ground rules, while I eat dinner off this paper plate and pivot for my daughter's arrival from the Coast...
My experience with black women/black female friends is (sadly) limited to only about a half dozen data points. And one of them is an African from Chad whose typical reaction to American culture is SO left field for me I met as well be on acid talking to David Bowie about Japanese anime. She's great but whenever I'm listening to Ndingara I am well aware that this is an angry Chadean and not a typical American black woman. Nevertheless, my *impression* is that everything about American culture is designed to make black women clinically insane. I latched on to the grandmother line above where your expected to be some sort of debutante (I guess - generally w/o the money or the college that should come with that expectation) while fucking television tells you it's all supposed to be booty grinding freak-in-a-bed time. Now I admit I kind of like some aspects of both of those images. But I freely admit you're mentally fucked if you try and be both of those things at the same time in the same environment. Asking people to relax and turn that shit on and off like a light switch is asking a hell of a lot for most people. As for the line "tears my butt to ribbons" uh-uh...backs away slowly. ;-) - Barney |
said this on 08 Aug 2010 6:17:46 PM CDT
Getting back to the SEX...
I find that with good old regular balls deep sweaty penis thrusting mightily into throbbing velvet vice vaginal sex (do I have your attention?) the question of right or wrong positions is kind of absurd - unless you are (ahem) "hammered for time." Why not five or six? I think where the politics might come in is in the question of "who is driving this bed?" Not so much where you start as the give and take of who calls the position and are folks taking turns and getting their fair shake. So, since most guys I know ask for what they want...is one of the problems fear of asking - and is that fear of derision from a partner, or something more conditioned. I always thought "ladies first" worked pretty well in a bedroom (or a coat closet) and not just for getting them through doorways. |
said this on 09 Aug 2010 6:04:42 AM CDT
Barney, you're awesomeness leaves me breathless. Women can be sex kittens, sweet debutantes, kickass business proessionals, and loving mothers. The peoblem, as far as I can see, is when they try to press themselves into a social mold not of their making. Doing so will undoubtedly make her look like a fool when her whorish side boils over.
Silly, but there are a number of folks I've chatted with who don't have a problem with a woman dragging swarths of men to bed as long as she's in control...aka positions and so forth. To this I say, what the hell!? That shit doesn't even make sense! Wait, so I can fuck at random as long as doggie style doesn't come into play? Shut the hell up! It's absurd. |
said this on 09 Aug 2010 8:16:43 AM CDT
To quote random teen-aged girls everywhere, "OMG." What in the name of all that is holy to me (namely, listening to someone squeal with pleasure or having their eyes roll up in their heads) could possibly be WRONG with doggy-style?
[I gotta ask because otherwise I won't know and if this gets me hooted or banned, well it was fun. Is this some meta-fucked up black thing? Some, "well that's how it's done on monkey island" bullshit? Because if that's the deal then I honestly learn shit every damned year. Is there an essay by Toni Morrison or Cornell West about optimal angle of penetration I missed? Seriously.] ;-) (now I'm in for it) [The rest of this post should be read in the voice of the Old Spice Guy] BACK to doggy-style. Is this some anti-pleasure movement? C'mon. Let's break this shit down. First, the view. For the guy. Sweet. If you don't LIKE that ass you probably should NOT be tapping it. Birds eye view of point of penetration. I should fucking hope you like what you're seeing. Maybe show some gratitude? For the ladies. OK. ***Maybe*** this is dehumanizing or you are thinking this is something about your face or some other issue. Honestly, I doubt it. Most guys are not about the close-up shot in porn or in their fantasies. Most guys want to see a woman's face during. IF that woman is indicating pleasure (or something!) So it's not about "objectifying" you. Well, actually, it is, in that if I am somehow hitting bottom and tapping on cervical door and feeling muscle contractions I'm sort of objectifying at that point. A throbbing purplish point. But I'm definitely NOT thinking about your place in society or the essays of Germaine Greer - unless I'm trying to hold off coming. [I don't know much about baseball] Solution - if it's about seeing each other's faces there are three or four great semi-doggy style positions. Or, move that mirror. OR move the shenanigans over to the mirror. Yes, I know, the good one is in the hallway and the kids might surprise you. Epic. And finally, holy mother fucking options! Reach around to the clit or rubbing manipulating the entire mound. Up to breasts. Finger in mouth for lube...and back down. Thumbs on ass cheeks to pull the mound up and back for better clitoral contact. And a few ass slaps. Ready? ... And we're done. ;-) ... ... Tell me that position wasn't meant to happen. |
said this on 09 Aug 2010 9:56:42 PM CDT
Tracy? You did say Barney's awesomeness leaves you breathless, right? Well, add me to that list. (this site is just chuck full of a bunch of smarty pants)
And he got Lydia to bow down to his greatness? Damn he's good! |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 8:17:42 AM CDT
I know! I was surpised Lydia didn't have more to say. Maybe she was 'busy' at the time. :D Love you, Lydia...don't hurt me!
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 6:15:27 PM CDT
Lydia would like to be busier than she actually is at the moment. *tilting head* A potential blog entry ...
Olga and Tracy, I call it the way I see it. It doesn't take a lot of words to recognize when true words are being spoken, or in this case written. |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 6:29:10 PM CDT
*Tilts head with Lydia and bats eyelashes innocently*
I have no idea what you're talking about. *bat bat* |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 7:17:15 PM CDT
Thanks to Barney, I'm going to have wicked dreams about the Old Spice Guy.
Old Spice Guy: Would you like your guy to do you doggy style? In a hot tub? Outside, bent over a car? Inside, bent over the kitchen table? |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 8:15:18 AM CDT
Barney, you're a freakin' mad man! I can wait to see and read your play. It's bound to kick off a movement or two. I want it read in the voice of the Old Spice Guy. :)
Actually it not a Black thing at all. It's collectively stupid. Race, age, and faith are all in there. That's why I pointed out that we shouldn't allow anyone or anything corner us into believing a certain way. Oh yeah, the positions you mentioned...oh la la! |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:24:26 AM CDT
Hell, I'm BEYOND straight and *I* want everything read in the voice of the Old Spice Guy. Dude's amazing.
Off list I pre-apologized to Tracy, NOT about my sentiments, which I stand "firmly" by - but my choice of language - in case it takes anyone outside their preferred comfort zone. In the heat of the moment (wink) I forgot that much of this material, like "slash" fiction elsewhere is graded/rated to within an inch (or 8) of its life. So, apologies if needed. I also told Tracy I'm over on FB - if you want to entirely ruin the fantasy. ;-) Final thought on doggy-style for now... The GUY can do a little back scratching while he's all up in there. Why should we be the only one's getting lightly mauled? Just sayin'. |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 7:49:14 PM CDT
Voice of Old Spice Guy to Lydia;
Lydia! Look at that drawer full of toys. Now look at ME. Now, back to the drawer full of toys. Now BACK to me!!! Now imagine you AND that drawer full of toys AND me. And ANOTHER drawer full of toys. And STILL another. And this mirror. And that OTHER larger mirror. And this couch. Which becomes a sexual ceiling harness. And then converts to a 4 poster bed. Next to hot tub. On your own private island. That's right - I'm riding a dolphin. Monocle smile!!! |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 8:42:22 PM CDT
ROFL *tilting head* Note to Self: Buy some batteries.
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 8:57:11 PM CDT
I'm dying! Lydia, you're too much. I spoke to Olga after we hung up earlier. I told her to keep an eye on you.
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:03:36 PM CDT
I see I am going to have to keep my eye on both of you! Ah hell, let's all flip out together.
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:07:04 PM CDT
She failed to mention that little tidbit when I spoke to her. LOL Poor Olga, chasing after the two of us is probably stressing her out.
And in my defense, Barney started it! |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:24:36 PM CDT
Oh sure. Blame me for everything. Every hot sweaty rigid moist liquid sloshing eye rolling fist pounding screaming followed by by grunting followed by hyperventilating rug burning furniture moving tendon straining gasping darned thing is always MY fault.
- Barney Noexcuses, PA. |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:41:29 PM CDT
Ok, Barney. I will blame you for everything.
- Lydia Hot As Hell, Texas |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:08:07 PM CDT
Olga, you are the sane one...right now at least. Hold it together Sister!
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:20:06 PM CDT
When I voluntarily commit myself, you'll know the reason why Tracy.
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said this on 10 Aug 2010 9:51:04 PM CDT
Lydia - Just be sure to say my name with great force and conviction when you do, Little Missy.
- B Drunkenswagger, PA. |
said this on 10 Aug 2010 10:17:17 PM CDT
Yes, sir! *performing a curtsey*
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