Healing and Moving On
- By Tracy Ames
- Published September 24, 2012
Tracy Ames

Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Sorry I haven’t been posting as often as I should. My life sucks right now. No, seriously. It sucks. My Grandma is unwell and my uncle has been given an expiration date.
Though I’m damn good at pouring my heart out to you guys, I don’t wanna flood the site with the emo ranting which would undoubtedly happen if I opened the floodgates.
And then there’s my stupid habit of putting others before myself which is fine under normal circumstances. But now, when need time to heal my heart from recent events and ready it for the inevitable, I have to push everyone away and that’s not easy for me.
On a lighter note, BC and Isaac are officially in school. They’re both in the same class and BC has already gotten into his first fight. Well, it wasn’t so much a fight as altercation. Some little boy did/said something then pushed BC. BC then took off his Wellie and clocked the kid with it and, even under the threat of getting paddled, refused to apologize. In his words, “I’m sorry for being loud, but I’m not sorry for hitting him.”
Of course, this is our fault. We taught him the proper way to apologize. Grand sweeping apologies aren’t acceptable because they lack thought and sincerity. He has to explain why he's doing it and accept the punishment if he doesn't. So when the teacher called because BC dug his heels in on a sticking point, we weren’t surprised. BC and his teacher adore one another - they send each other little notes and flowers - but at that point she could’ve threatened him with death and he wouldn't have cared.
Long story short: he was paddled, he was embarrassed for upsetting the teacher, we had the kid over that following Saturday, now they’re friends. Neither of them nor Isaac, my abnormally articulate nephew, can explain why their argument became physical. BC is calm and cool so for him to hit someone* or act out in any way, it must have been pretty bad.
I guess it was a case of ‘this shit just got real!’

*We don't even play fight in our house. Sparring with non-lethal intent, yes. Play fight, no.
Though I’m damn good at pouring my heart out to you guys, I don’t wanna flood the site with the emo ranting which would undoubtedly happen if I opened the floodgates.
And then there’s my stupid habit of putting others before myself which is fine under normal circumstances. But now, when need time to heal my heart from recent events and ready it for the inevitable, I have to push everyone away and that’s not easy for me.
On a lighter note, BC and Isaac are officially in school. They’re both in the same class and BC has already gotten into his first fight. Well, it wasn’t so much a fight as altercation. Some little boy did/said something then pushed BC. BC then took off his Wellie and clocked the kid with it and, even under the threat of getting paddled, refused to apologize. In his words, “I’m sorry for being loud, but I’m not sorry for hitting him.”
Of course, this is our fault. We taught him the proper way to apologize. Grand sweeping apologies aren’t acceptable because they lack thought and sincerity. He has to explain why he's doing it and accept the punishment if he doesn't. So when the teacher called because BC dug his heels in on a sticking point, we weren’t surprised. BC and his teacher adore one another - they send each other little notes and flowers - but at that point she could’ve threatened him with death and he wouldn't have cared.
Long story short: he was paddled, he was embarrassed for upsetting the teacher, we had the kid over that following Saturday, now they’re friends. Neither of them nor Isaac, my abnormally articulate nephew, can explain why their argument became physical. BC is calm and cool so for him to hit someone* or act out in any way, it must have been pretty bad.
I guess it was a case of ‘this shit just got real!’

*We don't even play fight in our house. Sparring with non-lethal intent, yes. Play fight, no.
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14 Responses to "Healing and Moving On" 
said this on 24 Sep 2012 4:06:18 PM CDT
At that age, these kinds of things are forgotten so quickly. Did they at least find out why he reacted the way he did, before asking him to apologize?
Sorry to hear about your family members. My prayers are with your family. |
said this on 24 Sep 2012 4:49:48 PM CDT
Thanks Wanda. The teacher and her aide tried but by then both boys were upset and nonsensical. I'll give you the facts as given to us: It happened in the garden and had something to do with something red not going somewhere because the last time it didn't but then it did.
That's all the info we have. We'll get to the bottom of it one day. |
said this on 24 Sep 2012 8:02:40 PM CDT
Tracy, wish I had something amazing to say that would make it all make sense, but I don't. Lean on us if you need it, lean away if you need the space. We get it.
BTW- The five year old hit a girl last week. His defense: "Mommy she slapped me first." Smh - you really ain't in it alone girlfriend. |
said this on 24 Sep 2012 8:34:09 PM CDT
Thanks Olga Bear. Your silence speaks volumes. We're too much alike! Good news: I picked up the pen again. Bad news: The writing is rather dark. Better news: The story is dark. Worse news: I'm too tired to write tonight. :(
Your boys are so sweet. You guys need your own sitcom or reality show. Rating would be through the roof. |
said this on 24 Sep 2012 9:22:19 PM CDT
Please don't give those crazy little people any ideas. I can almost hear the Third One asking for his close-up...
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said this on 27 Sep 2012 12:57:44 AM CDT
Ha! The mysterious deaths of your birds would spike the ratings. Just sayin'.
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said this on 26 Sep 2012 11:57:32 PM CDT
I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma and Uncle Trace. No "i know how you feel" speech here. Just keep plugging along the best you can.
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said this on 27 Sep 2012 12:54:18 AM CDT
Thank you so much. They gave my uncle six weeks so I'm heading to Cali. I'm so fucking tired, Mark.
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said this on 27 Sep 2012 6:18:23 PM CDT
So sorry to hear about what going on with your family. I've been through it. It sucks and there nothing that anyone can say to make it better. You and your family are in my prayers. Take it easy and don't let people stress you out.
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said this on 10 Oct 2012 9:43:55 AM CDT
You're right, there isn't anything anyone can say to make it better. But knowing you guys are there and reading your posts and emails, and hearing your stories helps.
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said this on 10 Oct 2012 9:41:13 AM CDT
Danke, sweetheart. Küsses!
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said this on 08 Oct 2012 5:22:21 AM CDT
So sorry to hear about your grandmother and uncle. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. You give so much of yourself. Take some time to do you and heal. If you need anything I am but an email away. Even if it's just to rant.
(((HUGS))) |
said this on 10 Oct 2012 9:37:56 AM CDT
Thanks for the support, Lady. The invitation to rant is far too tempting. :)
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