Familiar and Familial
- By Tracy Ames
- Published October 29, 2012
Tracy Ames

Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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My uncle passed away Oct. 18th, eight years to the day his daughter died, so I’m in Cali with my enormous maternal family.
People say that once you leave home you can never return, being that our experiences after leaving have buffered us about with such force that our round shape no longer fits into the square hole of our past.
Bollocks.
When we return home, we create a wrinkle in the time-space continuum and immediately confront our past and present selves, while the faces have aged somewhat and the number of children inexplicably multiplied, everything and nothing have changed.
I believe this is why during times of adversity and grief we cling to the familiar and familial.
We gather and weather the storm. We laugh and overeat but this doesn’t detract from the gravitas of the occasion - it’s how we cope – which explains why the mood shifts the moment the hearse arrives.
My big mash-up of a family was no different. All smiles faded with a brisk rush of emotion as if our true purpose was suddenly evident.
I held up pretty well until the very end of the service, and then the dam broke triggering a domino effect with my aunt, mom, cousins, and the like in hot pursuit. I couldn’t hold it inside anymore, my iron spine bent.
Afterwards, we invited everyone back to my aunt’s house for dinner. There was more laughter, kids running about, the retelling of stories (most horribly embarrassing), and an ungodly amount of food and picture taking.
Oddly, this wrinkle in the time-space continuum when we’re simultaneously our present and former selves for a few precious moments in the company of our loved ones sustained us. Our roots don’t hold us captive; they’re our anchors so blown about by every gust of wind. But where dark storm clouds roll in and we find ourselves going under, our roots are a safe harbor, our connection to the familiar and familial.
People say that once you leave home you can never return, being that our experiences after leaving have buffered us about with such force that our round shape no longer fits into the square hole of our past.
Bollocks.
When we return home, we create a wrinkle in the time-space continuum and immediately confront our past and present selves, while the faces have aged somewhat and the number of children inexplicably multiplied, everything and nothing have changed.
I believe this is why during times of adversity and grief we cling to the familiar and familial.
We gather and weather the storm. We laugh and overeat but this doesn’t detract from the gravitas of the occasion - it’s how we cope – which explains why the mood shifts the moment the hearse arrives.
My big mash-up of a family was no different. All smiles faded with a brisk rush of emotion as if our true purpose was suddenly evident.
I held up pretty well until the very end of the service, and then the dam broke triggering a domino effect with my aunt, mom, cousins, and the like in hot pursuit. I couldn’t hold it inside anymore, my iron spine bent.
Afterwards, we invited everyone back to my aunt’s house for dinner. There was more laughter, kids running about, the retelling of stories (most horribly embarrassing), and an ungodly amount of food and picture taking.
Oddly, this wrinkle in the time-space continuum when we’re simultaneously our present and former selves for a few precious moments in the company of our loved ones sustained us. Our roots don’t hold us captive; they’re our anchors so blown about by every gust of wind. But where dark storm clouds roll in and we find ourselves going under, our roots are a safe harbor, our connection to the familiar and familial.
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9 Responses to "Familiar and Familial" 
said this on 02 Jan 2013 9:56:11 AM CDT
Ein gutes Neues, Tracy. The very best wishes to you and your family.
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said this on 16 Feb 2013 8:07:24 PM CDT
I really hope everything is going better for you. I miss your blog and I hope we hear from you soon.
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said this on 01 Nov 2012 9:16:24 AM CDT
Tracy!!! this year has been a tough one for your family. my prayers are with you and your family. <<<< BIG HUG>>>>>>
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said this on 03 Nov 2012 10:26:41 PM CDT
Sorry for your loss definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
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said this on 11 Nov 2012 1:34:45 PM CDT
my condolence to you and your family Tracy. Love how eloquently you expressed what it feels like to be within a family. I'm very close to my maternal side of the family, so I agree that going back home and being surrounded by everyone is both a reminiscent of sweet memories and a sharing of painful moments.
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said this on 31 Oct 2012 9:47:09 PM CDT
Well said. Sorry for your loss.
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said this on 31 Oct 2012 3:48:48 PM CDT
My condolences, Tracy. Continued best wishes to you and your family.
Alles liebe |
said this on 29 Oct 2012 9:46:03 PM CDT
I love your writing. You have a special gift for saying what I feel.
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said this on 30 Oct 2012 9:07:56 PM CDT
Beautifully said, Tracy and I'm very sorry for your loss. Hope your Grandma is doing better.
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