Chapter One

A soft desert breeze drifted through my open window like the soft jazz that flowed through the speakers of my stereo. I reclined, spread eagle, on the bed. I brought my forearm to my nose and inhaled. My skin was still scented like the ocean breeze bubble bath I just sprang from. Slowly, I ran the palm of my hand over my wet, muscular thigh. My eyes slid closed when my fingertips brush against the sensitive skin of my inner thighs.

My nipples hardened into chocolate pebbles as my fingers stroked the newly bald area between my hips. Lazily, I allowed my fingers to roam down the center of the smooth skin and dipped between my moist lips. I drew circles around my clit. The friction caused my own sweet honey scent to rise and mix with the scented air.

I moaned. I was determined to come this time. It’s been a very long time, three months, since I’ve been able to have an orgasm. My date last night was no help either. Tonight, I decided, I was going to take matters into my own hands.
My thighs parted. With my index and ring finger, I parted my lips and slid my middle finger into my wet pussy. I licked my parched lips, explored my deep cave. My touch flowed over every uncharted ridge and valley I could find. I gasped as I thrust my finger in and out. I opened my eyes. My gaze flowed down my petite honey colored torso, my stiff dark nipples, the diamond belly ring that sparkled under the candle light. Keeping my finger in place, I turned on to my knees. I raised my round ass into the air, imagined my invisible lover fucking me from behind.

“Oh, God!” I groaned into the soft pillow.

One finger wasn’t enough. I inserted my index finger, cursing at the lack of will to stop at the local drugstore on the way home for a pack of “C” batteries. My body trembled with the need to climax. My distended nipples brushed against the cotton linens. My finger pumped fast and deep in my pussy. I shifted to spread my thighs wider, allowed my fingers to slide in up to my knuckles.

I imagined my lover pulling out his hard shaft and traced my wet opening with his tongue. Imagined his tongue tracing the moist path from the top of my clit, through the valley of my butt cheeks, up my spine, to the base of my neck. My fingers sunk into my deep core. I panted. Al…most… there. I was going to come. Finally. Then…


Just as quickly the sensation left my body. Frustrated, I slammed my fist into the mattress and flopped onto my back. My fingertips grazed my hard nipples. I gently pulled and twisted each stiff chocolate peak. I knead my full breasts, then, allowed my hand to slowly glide down my torso to my thighs. I cupped my mound in my hand, gently massaging the sensitive area with the heel of my palm. Gradually, I slid my finger between my moist lips and touched my engorged clit. I moaned as the tingling sensation returns. My thighs again parted as I apply more pressure, then eased back to gently caress it. The orgasm rises to the surface of my clit, then, just as quickly, dissipates.

“Damn it!” I mutter.

I laid there, unsure what to do next. Should I try to masturbate again or just give up and except the fact that I can’t have an orgasm? I sighed. I never had a problem climaxing before. Why now?

Standing, I snatched the glass of red wine from my nightstand. The red liquid slouched over the side of the glass and onto my hand. I stalked toward the French doors and flung them open. I shivered as the midnight breeze drifted over my damp skin, not caring if the people in my Chandler neighborhood watched me lean, nude, against the balcony railing. I sipped my wine, tried to remember when I had my last orgasm. It was while I was engaged to Larry Boatman. Why? I rubbed my temples, tried to bring back and forget that period of my life. Simply, he wasn’t the one. I knew after the first kiss that I couldn’t see myself sharing my gelatin dessert with this man in my golden years. I agreed to marry him simply because I didn’t want to be alone and all of my friends were getting married. It was right after this realization that I hasn’t been able to climax since.

I shivered as I walk back inside my bedroom. I paused to close and lock the French doors behind me. My cat, Honey, watched me from his perch on the chaise lounge. I paused to rub his furry orange head, then goes into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. After turning off the light, I walked back into my bedroom and stared at the empty bed with my hand on my hips.

I have got to come soon. I was driving my friends and family crazy. I was snapping at every little thing. I sighed. I wish that someone was here beside me. Someone that could turn me out, fuck me until I could no longer see. Since that wasn’t an option, I climbed between the sheets and decided to try one more time.

If this doesn’t work, I’m just going to join a convent and get it over with.

Chapter Two

The April sun pierces my skin as I jogs around Tempe Town Lake with my best friend Anastasia. It was a beautiful Saturday. The blue sky was cloud and smog free. Families played volleyball on the beach area. Couples strolled the lake, hand in hand. I, however, couldn’t enjoy any of it. This Saturday outing was my idea. I thought jogging would help ease my body’s need to release. I was wrong. With each step, the cotton material of my sports bra brushed against my aching nipples, reminding me of the fact that I can’t cum. The want to release was so bad that I can feel it in my bones.
Anastasia shakes her head as we begin our cool down lap. Her golden ponytail taps me on my shoulder. Her pale skin was already beginning to dot with freckles and tan from the sun’s rays. We’ve have been best friends since their freshmen days at Arizona State University. We were in the same business classes and soon formed a fast and steady friendship. Stace, originally from Minnesota, met her soon to be husband, Paul, during our sophomore year.
After graduation, we opened a successful temporary employment agency. We were able to run the growing company, Hire Up!, while simultaneously earning our Master of Business Administration degrees. Now, we have contracts with over one hundred companies in the Valley of the Sun and I just signed one more. our company was just featured in the Phoenix Business Journal as one business to watch.

“So, what are you going to do?” Stace asks me after I finished recounting my failed masturbation attempt. “You can’t continue on like this. You yelled at me yesterday for leaving the lid on the copy machine up.”

I cringed. She left the lid up all the time, but for some reason, it irritated me to no end. My office was right by the copy room, so all day I watched the up turned lid, imaging the millions of tiny dust particles collecting on the glass, causing the copies to smudge and I lost it.

“I know. I told you that I was sorry.”

“I forgive you. But you need to get laid. And soon.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I snapped before catching myself. “I’m sorry.”

“Soon, Cyd.”

“It’s not like I’m dating anyone. Or even close to dating anyone.”

“You just need to get off,” Stace says. “Who said anything about dating? What about Craigslist?”

“So you want me to get killed, too?”

Stace laughs. “There are a lot of internet dating sites out there. I’m sure they are safe.”

I raised my eyebrow. “How do you know so much about it?”

“Paul and I have been…researching…”

“For what?”

“We’ve been thinking about trying a three way. You know, with another woman.”

My mouth fell open. I knew Stace was open with her sexuality. She had experimented with women in college but never went as far as second base.

“Don’t look at me like that!” Stace says. “Like I said, we are just researching the idea.”

We finished the rest of our cool down lap in silence, then begin a brisk walk back toward the parking lot. It was easy for her to offer advice, I thought. She and Paul have only been married for a year. They were still in the honeymoon phase. I don’t have any prospects right now. Not even someone I can call for a “booty session.” I’d thought about calling Larry, but kept chickening out after dialing the first two numbers. I had hoped that when I found someone to “help me out,” it would be with someone that I had some type of feelings for. Even if it were simply lust.

“What are your plans for later?” Stace asks as she digs the keys to her SUV out of her pocket.

“I’m headed for the mall for some retail therapy, then I’m having dinner with the folks.”

“That sounds like fun,”

I rolled her eyes. I really don’t want to go. My mother will badger me about “not being married and popping out grandbabies”. My sister would, of course, ask me for money to pay her utility/rent but would use it to get her nails done. My father will hole up in the den with my brother all evening to watch what ever sporting event happened to be on. I sighed as I run my fingers though my dark curls. I wished that I had something better to do this evening, or rather, someone to do that evening.

“What about you and Paul?”

Stace grins. “We’re staying in.” I hold up her hand.

“Say no more. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said as we hug good bye.

“Don’t stress over it,” Stace advised. “Like falling in love, it will happen when you least expect it.”

Chapter Three

After I climbed into my Nissan sedan, I put Beyonce into the CD player and headed for the Arizona Mills Mall. I glanced at the desert landscape that rapidly passed my driver’s side window. The tan mountains that jettisoned up in the center of the city, green palm trees that lined the sidewalks, and murals of kokopeli greet me as I drove through the downtown Tempe streets toward my favorite mall.

The parking lot was beginning to fill with weekend shoppers. I was lucky to find a spot near the front and quickly snagged it before someone beat me to it. Before getting out of the car, I threw a white zip-up hoodie and pair of red yoga pants over my jogging outfit. I fixed my undone ponytail and topped my brown curls with a Arizona Cardinal’s baseball cap. I sighed as I looked at my reflection in the visor mirror. I didn’t look bad, but maybe I should’ve put a little more effort into my appearance in case I met someone. I snorted as I open my car door. Yeah, right.

All I cared about was that Kenneth Cole was having a thirty percent off sale and I saw a pair of sling backs online that had my name written on them. When the glass doors slid open, my nose was greeted with the scent of freshly baked pretzels. I inhaled as the sound of the mall’s echoes swelled around my. Yes, I purred. This was exactly what I needed.

First stop was Kenneth Cole where I purchased those slingback pumps and a matching purse. After stops at Victoria’s Secret and Charlotte Russe, my growling stomach wouldn’t allow me to continue shopping. I purchased a chicken salad sandwich and a cup of soup from Paradise Café and sat at an empty table near the back of the food court, where I could watch the children play on the merry go round.

I smiled when the circus music started and the colorful carousel began to spin. I took a bite of my sandwich, watched the plastic animals bob up and down on the metal pole. The laughter of the children filled my ears. The flash of their parents’ camera phones almost blinded me. I rubbed my eyes. I wondered if I’ll have children in the future. That thought has never really crossed my mind. I had assumed by now, that I would have married and started a family as my friends have, but as time passed, I wondered if that was really a priority in my life.

Lost in thought about my future, I sipped my delicious tomato soup, not seeing the stranger who watched me from across the room. The velvety red elixir slid smoothly over my tongue. I moaned. Tomato soup had always been one of my favorite dishes. As I brought another spoonful toward my mouth, I saw him. To say he was handsome would’ve been an understatement. He stood near the Panda Express booth with a steaming tray of rice and orange chicken.

He smiled at me. I blushed and looked down at my meal. I counted to ten, then, looked up in his direction. By now, he was approaching my table. I felt my pulse quicken. He had to be at least six foot two inches of solid muscle. The onyx curls that covered his scalp framed his glowing tanned skin. Even dressed in a simple green polo shirt and pleated khaki pants, he was breathtaking. He is half-frat boy, half-bad boy and, I hope, all mine. Breathe, I reminded myself as he stood across from me. I inhaled his musky sandalwood scent that mixed with the aroma of the Chinese food.

“I don’t normally do this,” he said. His voice was deep and velvety. “But it should be a crime that someone as beautiful as you is eating alone. May I join you?”

“That’s quite a line. Did you just think that up or is it a part of your normal repertoire?”

He laughed. “No, I just made it up on the fly.”

I smiled and nodded my approval. He could’ve damn near said anything there and I would have given it to him. Money. Keys to my house. My firstborn son. My eyes drank him in as he folded his beautiful body into the purple metal chair. He paused to cover his lap with a paper napkin. Sexy and a gentleman. Lawd have mercy! I turned my attention back to my sandwich to stop myself from staring at him. I cursed my luck. My skin was still sticky and ruddy from the jog. I was thankful that I at least threw on some extra antiperspirant before I came into the mall.

“I meant what I said,” he said. “You are very beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

He had a dazzling smile with perfectly straight white teeth. I couldn’t remove my eyes from his full lips. I licked mine, imagining how his lips would feel against my neck. I inhaled a shuttering breath. I had to stop this. I just met the man.
But, my pussy was telling me to fuck him already.

Transfixed, I watched as he took another bite of his meal. His eyes never left mine as he slides the juicy orange coated nugget between his lips. My nipples puckered. I’m sure he could see them protruding through the material of my sports bra. I have never lusted like this after anyone. I studied his hands. Smooth skin. Long tapered fingers. I imagined them caressing my breasts and shuttered. I looked up into his soft but masculine blue eyes. He smiled. My heart skipped a beat. He swiped the palm of his hand with a paper napkin, then, extended his arm toward me.

“I’m Aiden.”


“What brings you to out on a beautiful Saturday?”

“Shopping. Just picking up a few things. You?” He still held onto my hand.

“A birthday present for my sister-in-law.”

“Did you get anything good?”

Aiden laughed. “I am terrible when it comes to picking out a gift for a woman. Maybe you can help me?”

“What does your sister-in-law like?”

He shrugged. “I know they need a new coffeemaker. So I was thinking…”

His voice trailed off when I raised my eyebrow with a shake of my head.

“No good?”

“No good. You should get my something more special than a coffeemaker.”

He leaned across the table toward me, my hand still in his. I had to fight with every muscle of my body not to lean into him and kiss him. “You see why I need your help.”

“Yes, you do. I’d hate to see what you would get for your wife.”

When a dark cloud fell across Aiden’s eyes, I realized that I’d said the wrong thing. He let my hand drop to the table and picked up his drink.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to…”

He waved me off and quickly regained his composure.
“I’m not married,” he said.


“My wife passed away a year ago. Car accident.”

I reached out to touch his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

I didn’t know what to say after that. We just sat there in silence. I continued to hold his hand as he finished his lunch. This felt so comfortable, so natural. Yet, I had to remind myself that a) I just met him and b) he was probably still getting over the death of his wife. I doubt that he’d be interested in doing me a favor. However, I decided that I would like nothing more than to help him pick out a present and tell him this. He smiled and kissed the back of my knuckles. I almost fainted from the pleasure. When he finished eating, he tossed our trash in the nearby can and picked up my bags to carry them.
“How about a CD?” I asked. “What kind of music does she like?”

“She likes jazz and rhythm/blues. She loves Nina Cymone.”

We strolled toward the Virgin Megastore. Eventhough we weren’t touching, I could feel the heat wafting off of his body. I felt moisture collecting between my thighs, but dismissed the feeling. What good would it do if I couldn’t have an orgasm, plus I’d probably never see Aiden again after today. All the more reason to go for it, my body begged.

Aiden placed his hand on the small of my back. Instantly, my body trembled. I wondered if he could feel it through the palm of his hand. I smiled as he guided me into the entertainment store. His hand stayed in place as we browsed the racks of jazz cd’s.

“I think she’ll like this one,” I said holding up the latest release by a british soul singer.

“Who is she?” He asked, peering over my shoulder. I couldn’t tell if her was looking at the CD or my breasts and I didn’t care, either way, as long as he didn’t take his warmth away.

“She’s very good. Here, I’ll show you.”

I threaded my fingers through his and guided him to the listening station. I had to stand on my toes to place the headphones over Aiden’s ears. When I did, my full breasts brushed against his muscular chest. I bit my lip to stop myself from sighing. His intense, dark eyes watched me as he listened to the smooth sounds. His gazed pierced my clothing, washed over my skin like a cool breeze.

I turned and walked a short distance away to study the Hip-Hop display. I didn’t care for that type of music but needed to get away from him before I threw him down on the floor and took him in the middle of the store. Even at this distance, I could feel Aiden take in my backside. I chanced it, glancing at him over my shoulder. Sure enough, he watched my ass move beneath the yoga pants. His smiled. His eyes twinkled with mischief. He removed the headphones and placed them on the stand.
“You are right. I think she’s going to love it.”

“I’m glad. And it is better than a coffeemaker.”

He laughed. I could spend the rest of my life listening to him laugh. “True.”

Aiden’s hand found that comfortable position on the small of my back as he guided me to the bank of cashiers to pay for the CD. It was still there when we exited the store and strolled the rest of the mall with no real destination in mind. I did have to leave soon in order to get ready to go to my parents, but I also didn’t want to leave his side. I listened to him answer my question about his favorite type of music. As he explained why he loved Brian McKnight, I wondered how many woman he had guided in this fashion.

Did it matter? I asked myself.


He glanced at his platinum watch.

“Do you have someplace to be?”

“I have to get home and change for the birthday party.”


I hoped that I didn’t sound as disappointed as I felt. I just met the handsome stranger
“There is something I have to do first. It has been nagging at me since I met you.”


Without warning, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my into a dark alcove that housed a wall mounted telephone. His soft lips touched mine. His kiss caused my spine to tingle, caused my knees to buckle. His strong arms held my upright. His tongue parted my lips and touched mine. I moaned. The packages slipped from my hands. I reached up and ran my fingertips through his soft onyx curls. The noise of the mall faded away. The only sound I heard was the beating of my heart along with his.

Aiden’s hard cock pushed into my hip. His fingers wandered up the sides of my torso, found the sides of my breasts and cupped my fullness in the palm of my hands. He gently kneaded the soft flesh. My nipples responded. Strained against the rough fabric of my sports bra, begging to be set free. He pushes up the elastic band of the bra, exposing my breasts. His thumbs traced my erect nipples.

I reached down and cupped his dick in the palm of my hand. He was an exceptional size. Moisture pooled in the center of my valley. I’ve never wanted, needed, a man to be inside of me badly. I had never done anything like this in public before. I felt my clit engorge. Aiden pressed his pelvis into mine. I hooked my right leg around his hip. The elastic of my thong rubbed against my wetness. His kiss deepened. He swallowed one of my moans. Pleasure rose within me. I felt the muscles of my inner walls contract. Finally, I was going to release…

Then, I heard the shuffling of footsteps. The sound of a throat clearing. Aiden pulled away from me. We turned to see two security guards standing at the entrance to the alcove. The taller one motioned for us to leave while the other one smirked. Blushing, I turned my back to pull down my bra while Aiden gathered my packages and held them in front of his erection. We giggled like a pair of teenagers as the guards followed us to the mall exit, where we burst into laughter.
“I am so sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be. I just wish we were not interrupted.”

He threaded his fingers through mine and kissed my fingertips. “So do I.”

Aiden walked me to my car. He put the bags in my trunk then escorted me to the driver’s side door. I was still trembling when his lips touch mine. His hands cupped the sides of my face. I longed to touch his bare skin. I lifted the hem of his shirt. When my fingertips connected with his smooth tawny back, electricity flowed down his spine and into my core.
“Damn,” he groaned. Releasing my mouth, his lips found my throat.

“What, Cydnee? Please what?”
“Fuck me.”

Car horns honked around us but I didn’t care. I wanted him to pull down my pants and fuck me right here. My back arched, pushing my breasts into his solid chest. His fingers dipped below my waistband. Brushed against my wet clit. I clung to his shoulders to keep myself from falling. His index finger caressed the raised bud.
“Is this what you want,” he teased.

I nodded as my orgasm rose to meet Aiden’s finger. I moved my hips in rhythm to his touch. If he only knew how long I waited to come. To come like this. He quickly covered my mouth with his. The dam bursts. I felt my essence run down my walls, where it flowed over his finger, flood my thong. A squeaky horn caused us to flinch and separate. The security guards again motioned for us to move on.

“Are they watching us on video or something,” Aiden said, glaring at the guards.

“Must be. But I don’t care.”

His kissed me lightly on the lips. The horn honked again. Aiden pulled away. He kissed my forehead, then walked toward the mall as the guards followed him. With my body still tingling, I climbed into my car and started the engine. If a light caress and a kiss caused me to climax like that, I wondered what it would be like to make love to him. .The drought was finally over, but that little tryst wasn’t enough to sate me It wasn’t until I was halfway home that I remembered that I has forgotten to get his phone number.

“Damn it!” I exclaimed, pounding the steering wheel with my fist.

Chapter Four

What is wrong with me? I wondered as I rinsed out the tub and refilled it with hot water and ocean scented bubble bath. I stood, studying my reflection in the mirror while I waited for the whirlpool tub to fill. I was pretty. I‘ve never conceded enough to consider myself beautiful, as others have commented. I slathered an oatmeal mask onto my cheeks and pull hair into a bun. I paused to cupped my breasts. I close my eyes as I squeeze them.


I turned off the water and slid into the hot bath. It’s been two weeks since the meeting with Aiden and I haven’t been able to come since then. I had a date three nights ago and when things got heavy, my orgasm played a disappearing act.

Could it really be self doubt that was preventing me from climaxing? When I broke up with Larry, I thought that would solve the problem. It didn’t. I have tried everything. Books. Showerhead. Video. All with little or no results. Maybe it is all in my head, as Stace suggested. I’m only twenty-eight. It can’t be my age. I even went to the gynecologist who told me that everything was in working order.

Only Aiden had been able to make me come. Or, maybe I needed to find the right man, as my sister Lori believes. I scooped up a palm full of water and pour it over my breast. I decided that I need a break from men for a while and have devoted my spare time to rediscovering myself.

Maybe Aiden was the right man.

I picked up my bath sponge and squeezes bath gel on to the flat porous surface. I exhaled as the cool lather slides over the sizzling skin on my thigh. My eyelids slid closed. All I knew was that if I didn’t bust my cherry again soon, it was going to swell up and fall off. I’ve become easily irritated lately. Every little thing, from a document not being stapled right to the customer in front of me checking out thirty items in the automated self checkout line at the grocery store, was setting me off.