Greg: The Buddhist Gnome Hater
- By Tracy Ames
- Published January 3, 2010
Tracy Ames
My name is Tracy Ames. I’m an author of interracial erotic fiction. My stories are a sensual feast for your senses; mind, body and soul.
I began writing short stories for monthly newsletters and, believe it or not, my friends. After much encouragement, I’m ready to offer you a taste of what only a few have previously savored.
A native of the San Francisco Bay area, I currently split time between Greenwich CT & New York City with my husband, children and a host of pets.
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My husband, the lovely Greg, is a practicing Buddhist with splashes of Hinduism for added holy flavor. We have a meditation room in which he retreats twice a day to clear his mind or maybe he’s pulling his pud, I don’t know what he’s doing in there.
Greg also pushes himself daily at the gym, going to kick boxing, MMA and other various forms of life-threatening hand-to-hand combat classes. And every morning he joins the neighboring Anglophiles for their run.
Enter the Garden Gnomes.
Without fail he complains about our neighbors’ garden gnomes. He hates them. They’ve been moved due to winter weather so, in essence, Greg can’t see them but he knows they’re mocking him from behind the snow banks.
I’m told he isn’t the only person who hates these sneering gnomes. Apparently, they’re THE topic of discussion between the passing morning runners, with comments such as “Classless idiots” or the more popular “Damn gnomes!”
It didn’t surprise me to hear Greg had become the ring leader of the gnome-haters. His alpha male personality compels him to greatness. I can’t say where his hatred of gnomes steams. I imagine it to be a repressed gnome related childhood experience which its side effects I now live.
This morning after his morning rant, I cautiously from the opposite side of the kitchen island pointed out that he’s a Buddhist and therefore should love all God's creatures, even the classless gnome lovers. I then snapped off the leg of my day old gingerbread man and bounced from the kitchen before he could reply.
Minutes later I found him deep in meditation. Not really sure what sent him in search of his higher self: my comment or the sneering gnomes.
I’ll watch him in the coming days. I have a feeling those gnomes are gonna go missing and given his fondness for MMA things could get brutal.
Greg also pushes himself daily at the gym, going to kick boxing, MMA and other various forms of life-threatening hand-to-hand combat classes. And every morning he joins the neighboring Anglophiles for their run.
Enter the Garden Gnomes.
Without fail he complains about our neighbors’ garden gnomes. He hates them. They’ve been moved due to winter weather so, in essence, Greg can’t see them but he knows they’re mocking him from behind the snow banks.
I’m told he isn’t the only person who hates these sneering gnomes. Apparently, they’re THE topic of discussion between the passing morning runners, with comments such as “Classless idiots” or the more popular “Damn gnomes!”
It didn’t surprise me to hear Greg had become the ring leader of the gnome-haters. His alpha male personality compels him to greatness. I can’t say where his hatred of gnomes steams. I imagine it to be a repressed gnome related childhood experience which its side effects I now live.
This morning after his morning rant, I cautiously from the opposite side of the kitchen island pointed out that he’s a Buddhist and therefore should love all God's creatures, even the classless gnome lovers. I then snapped off the leg of my day old gingerbread man and bounced from the kitchen before he could reply.
Minutes later I found him deep in meditation. Not really sure what sent him in search of his higher self: my comment or the sneering gnomes.
I’ll watch him in the coming days. I have a feeling those gnomes are gonna go missing and given his fondness for MMA things could get brutal.
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13 Responses to "Greg: The Buddhist Gnome Hater"
said this on 05 Jan 2010 10:32:00 AM CST
I just want to say l love you all! Where else will I get a rousing discussion about gnomes. This site is the best! It's just priceless.
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said this on 05 Jan 2010 11:05:50 AM CST
Thanks Olga! We love you too. I know, sharing my trials with gnomedom was probably TMI, something you could have gone a lifetime not knowing but I had to tell someone.
Yes, this site is quit unique. We're a little bit of everything....even gnomes. Sad but true. |
said this on 05 Jan 2010 12:41:05 AM CST
One of my neighbors has an AMAZING yard her calla lilies stand so tall & proud while my sister calls mine "Lilies in the hood" because ALL of them tend to lean. She says her secret is the gnomes in her garden, hell if that is the case then call my garden the "hood" because no GDG will be in my yard. Period.
Sorry Tracy but Greg gets my vote, I am all for "gnomenapping" without the request for a ransom unless the ransom is one will be returned if unseen and no others appear. |
said this on 04 Jan 2010 10:24:56 PM CST
I...I.... Oh hell I got nothing. A gnome hating buddist. I have heard it all.
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said this on 04 Jan 2010 10:14:29 PM CST
Lisa, Greg hates them. His ears literally turn red. I'm gonna chat with him about this, cautiously from the opposite side of the kitchen island. LOL! This is something he needs to move beyond. :)
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said this on 04 Jan 2010 9:49:14 PM CST
LMAO!!!! God i swear I'm going to tell the feds goodbye so that i can stay up to date with IRE.
I can't stand gnomes in people's garden either. Thank God our parents does not buy us gifts( it's better that way) his mom is a freaking gnome freak.She decorates the damn garden for every effing holiday. I had to tell her that we don't like anything in our garden. So, there is probably something behind it Trace! I'm the same way. Randy spends money like crazy on his cars and he buys clothes i never see him wear. I could care less, but i hate those Hindu gods and goddesses he has hanging on the corner of our living room. They are tacky and freaky( my point of view). So we transformed the trophy room into his little monastery/trophy room. So don't judge Greg people, i know where he is coming from. |
said this on 04 Jan 2010 10:09:51 PM CST
Heidi, you have no idea what I go though with Greg and those gnomes. Wait, maybe you do.
I'm thankful that my parents were gnome haters. I bet Greg's mom is a lover. Maybe that's it. The meditation room was my gift to Greg, it's his room...I meditate twice a day but I don't use his room. That's right, Randy is Hindu. We don't have the Gods/Goddesses in the house but the Japanese Buddha is my constant companion. |
said this on 03 Jan 2010 10:25:52 PM CST
Are you serious!? Is it just me or does anyone else see this OxyMoron! He is praying to an Fn garden gnome, the most ancient and wisest of them all. A peculiar asian varity of the fat bellied, beardless and bald headed clan known for their soothing peaceful tranquility, yet he lets himself get angered at the Scandinavian brethren of Budda? I am so confused!?
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said this on 03 Jan 2010 10:35:36 PM CST
LOL! Like I said, I don't know where this gnome thing comes from but Greg literally hates them. I wouldn't be surised if they go missing. The neighbors will rally and it's on! Gotta love Greenwich!!
Greg doesn't have a typical trigger. I wrecked his car, Eva spend thousands of dollars on summer clothes she never wore, I bought another cat without asking....he didn't care. But the gnomes get under his skin for some reason. |
said this on 03 Jan 2010 10:08:31 PM CST
Lady, that's the extent of Greg's dark side...his hatred of garden gnomes. Sad...so sad
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said this on 03 Jan 2010 10:23:25 PM CST
Well, tell him to hold tough. I would hate to see him on the 6 o'clock news for depraved heart murder of a gnome. Surely, that has got to be a.....misdemeanor? Lol.
That it you night owls! I'm going to bed-of couse all the fun starts when I'm sleepy. |
said this on 03 Jan 2010 11:01:21 PM CST
I'm all over it! The 6 o'clock news would never be the same again. Greg freakin' lose it!
Have a good night |
said this on 06 Mar 2011 12:45:54 AM CST
ROFLMAO. This reminds me of a scene in The Full Monty, in which two characters use garden gnomes to distract a man who is interviewing for a job. They succeed, and the man flips out on them both. So, so funny.
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