Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
- By Tracy Ames
- Published October 10, 2010
Tracy Ames
My name is Tracy Ames. I’m an author of interracial erotic fiction. My stories are a sensual feast for your senses; mind, body and soul.
I began writing short stories for monthly newsletters and, believe it or not, my friends. After much encouragement, I’m ready to offer you a taste of what only a few have previously savored.
A native of the San Francisco Bay area, I currently split time between Greenwich CT & New York City with my husband, young daughter and a host of pets.
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Greg and I are renewing our marriage vows in a few months. We’d planned on doing it last year however circumstances didn’t permit.
I’d love to say that I remember every detail of our wedding but I don’t. I recall standing with my Dad, waiting for our cue. I was fine until I saw my Dad wipe his eyes. Then the flood gates opened, and I only managed to pull myself together after much effort.
Walking down the aisle is a blur. I remember seeing the back of Greg's head—custom dictates that the groom isn’t to turn and look at the bride until she’s hits the half way mark. When he turned, he exhales and mouthed, “Oh boy”
The conjuring of dark magic is the only feasible explanation of how we made it through the ceremony without thoroughly and irreversibly disgracing ourselves. Though the threat of embarrassment still lingers, I’m ready to have another swing at it.
While researching venues, I came across this article I’d like to share with you. Funny how love works when you go in with your eyes open.
Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
Immature love is a "love at first sight" kinda love and a love that will fix 'everything' that's wrong or balance any unbalances between us. A mature love is developed over time and it deepens as we share experiences. Which is yours?
Immature love demands complete focus and attention on us… outsiders are not welcome. A mature love is self-acceptance and confidence and we are able to share him/her with others unselfishly.
Immature love is full of exploitation and the need for self gratification. An "I'll do this for my partner this time only because I know what I (better) get back in return" mentality. Mature love always, ALWAYS tries to strengthen and aid the partner WITHOUT expectations of a payback.
Immature love is built on the physical aspects and sex. Sex is often the foundation of the relationship. A mature love certainly has sex and physical attraction within it, but it's hardly the mainstay of the relationship.
Immature love is always looking for how the partner can change to satisfy our needs or wants. Mature love is based in reality and grows while it accepts the partners's differences and unique creativities.
Immature love is based on a romantic fantasy. Reality is shunned or feared. Mature love embraces reality which makes each partner more complete and the relationship overall strong, healthy and 'real'.
and finally…
Immature love has a "hear and now" mentality and doesn't look to the future and the consequences it brings for today's decisions. Mature love accepts that future consequences were caused my mutual and accepted decisions.
I’d love to say that I remember every detail of our wedding but I don’t. I recall standing with my Dad, waiting for our cue. I was fine until I saw my Dad wipe his eyes. Then the flood gates opened, and I only managed to pull myself together after much effort.
Walking down the aisle is a blur. I remember seeing the back of Greg's head—custom dictates that the groom isn’t to turn and look at the bride until she’s hits the half way mark. When he turned, he exhales and mouthed, “Oh boy”
The conjuring of dark magic is the only feasible explanation of how we made it through the ceremony without thoroughly and irreversibly disgracing ourselves. Though the threat of embarrassment still lingers, I’m ready to have another swing at it.
While researching venues, I came across this article I’d like to share with you. Funny how love works when you go in with your eyes open.
Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?
Immature love is a "love at first sight" kinda love and a love that will fix 'everything' that's wrong or balance any unbalances between us. A mature love is developed over time and it deepens as we share experiences. Which is yours?
Immature love demands complete focus and attention on us… outsiders are not welcome. A mature love is self-acceptance and confidence and we are able to share him/her with others unselfishly.
Immature love is full of exploitation and the need for self gratification. An "I'll do this for my partner this time only because I know what I (better) get back in return" mentality. Mature love always, ALWAYS tries to strengthen and aid the partner WITHOUT expectations of a payback.
Immature love is built on the physical aspects and sex. Sex is often the foundation of the relationship. A mature love certainly has sex and physical attraction within it, but it's hardly the mainstay of the relationship.
Immature love is always looking for how the partner can change to satisfy our needs or wants. Mature love is based in reality and grows while it accepts the partners's differences and unique creativities.
Immature love is based on a romantic fantasy. Reality is shunned or feared. Mature love embraces reality which makes each partner more complete and the relationship overall strong, healthy and 'real'.
and finally…
Immature love has a "hear and now" mentality and doesn't look to the future and the consequences it brings for today's decisions. Mature love accepts that future consequences were caused my mutual and accepted decisions.
Spread The Word
8 Responses to "Is Your Marriage Based on Mature or Immature Love?" 
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 7:47:15 AM CDT
Yes, yes , yes so true.. immature love I remember seeing some “signs” that my ex wasn’t the one but I did the classic mistake and fooled myself into believing that I could/mold him into the man I want/need
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:18:06 PM CDT
I think every woman does this at some point in her life. We want this person so bad that we fool ourselves into thinking we're "that special"--that once we work our magic--if we love them just a little bit more they'll become the person we want them to be.
Rubbish. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 8:13:12 AM CDT
Ok tell the story, how did you two meet? How long have you've been married? If it was in one of your earlier blogs, I missed the story. I think Immature love can grow into a mature love because after a while people realize they actually have to work to make a real marriage. My parents have been married for 41 years, and they still make sure they work at it. Drive each other crazy, but I think they are having fun.
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:46:54 PM CDT
Long story short, we met at a gathering--I thought he was hot--we talked all night--went on a three dates--he proposed--and here we are years later.
The reason our relationship worked from the every beginning was because we came from similiar backgrounds (strong parents) and we knew what we wanted in a mate and ourselves (eyes wide open). |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 2:31:01 PM CDT
Amin and my love is based in both. Because we both still seek to change or reverse the changes we made to/for the other. But we also accept and honor each there differences.
We have been through the fire. We have suffered the lose of a child. And we survived. I fell so deeply in love with him while he brought me back to life. This man actually saw me at death's door and made me want to laugh again. That's deep. I was so hateful. But he made me see the God in him. He was living for Aisha. He was so Fresh. We do struggle. But we are a Family. And it works.. I love how you love your man. And it's inspiring. Peace. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 5:58:02 PM CDT
The bonds of marriage are either strengthened or weaked by the loss of a child. It will never be the same again....and that's a good thing especially where men are concerned. Some, not all, become more connected to their wives...more of a protector.
After the loss of our first child, my Grandma told us, "This is nothing. It happens all of the time. You're not the first and you won't be the last." I love that woman. |
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 7:45:26 PM CDT
Mature love all the way...I'm a widow. It's been 5 years now. I'd been married once before and the difference is the first husband I couldn't really trust to move out of state and away from my family with and the love of my life I would absolutely have gone to the moon with, no questions asked! Now I'm so set on not "going there again" that I've let myself go with my weight to probably sabotage myself in not getting involved again. I absolutely said "I'm done!" after my husband died and I meant it. I probably should give myself a break.....I don't know. Tracy, I'm with Nalo...I love how you love your man. You know I live variously through you and yours. Maybe one day I'll want to "go there" again!
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said this on 10 Oct 2010 9:31:38 PM CDT
Thank you, Debbie. I don't know how to love him any different. He's such a good person. Who knows, maybe one day you will decide to 'go there' again. I don't think you've sabotaged yourself--you lost the love of your life...it takes time to recover.
I believe our horrible relationships prepare us for the real thing. It's not so much about the bad men teaching us how to appreciate the good ones. It's about our growth and maturity as well. |