8 Reasons You Might Consider Dating a White Woman: Follow-up
- By Tracy Ames
- Published December 30, 2010
Tracy Ames
My name is Tracy Ames. I’m an author of interracial erotic fiction. My stories are a sensual feast for your senses; mind, body and soul.
I began writing short stories for monthly newsletters and, believe it or not, my friends. After much encouragement, I’m ready to offer you a taste of what only a few have previously savored.
A native of the San Francisco Bay area, I currently split time between Greenwich CT & New York City with my husband, children and a host of pets.
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If nothing, I’m fair and believe everyone deserves to be heard whether I agree with them or not. That said, here’s the follow-up to the “8 Reasons to date a white man” article I posted a few days ago.
I’ve spoken briefly on the matter however, for the most part, I’ve held my tongue. While the author certainly has her right to free speech, I’m not entirely sure what she was getting at. What I mean is, the article was rather pointless in that all the author did was draw attention to commonly held stereotypes about Black men—stereotypes which are easily rebuffed when one looks at the average Black man.
This leads me to believe the author was intentionally trying to be provocative. If this is the case then good going however, if she was throwing down the gauntlet and saying, unequivocally, “There it is, folks. That’s ALL Black men for you and THIS is how everyone must see them” then she’s truly an ass.
When you make blanket statement (especially when race is concerned) you immediately incite anger and finger pointing in your own direction, which is why I wasn’t surprised to see this follow-up article written by Boyce Watkins Ph.D.
Even though Dr. Watkins prefixed his article with “just kidding” doesn’t take the sting away nor does it then give him free pass to say what he pleases without worry of offending anyone. I equate this to BC abutting everything he says to his playmates with ‘please’. “I want it now!!...please”
It’s asinine to believe that one can say anything as long as it’s laced to ‘please’ or ‘just kidding’. Or, as my sister has been screaming all morning, "That shit isn't funny!" Yes, even angry, she can't use the word 'ain't'.
Anyway, here’s the follow-up article. The original link to Madame Noire is below.
8 Reasons You Might Consider Dating a White Woman
October 5th, 2010 - By Boyce Watkins Ph.D
Original post on Madame Noire
First, I'll start this article by saying, "just kidding." I have immense loyalty to black women, and that's all I've ever dated in my adult life. But after reading the article "8 Reasons to date a white man," I just had to respond for the brothers. We know white men are just as imperfect as the rest of us. But the idea that the author decided to put white males on a pedestal above black men without considering the challenges of being black in America had me fuming. So, here are some reasons that those brothers who date white women might have decided to do so:
1) They don't blame all their problems on black men
If you're beautiful, educated, successful and can't keep a man, must it always be because black men are fundamentally flawed? How about taking some responsibility for what happens in your own life? You can start by getting your relationship advice from someone other than Steve Harvey – you do know he's a comedian, right? If you're getting relationship advice from a comedian, don't be surprised when your love life turns into a complete joke.
2) Being nice is not a crime
This isn't representative of all sisters, but I'm sure you know the angry black woman whose face stays crinkled up like a piece of aluminum foil, and every situation is begging for a fight. Black women sometimes breed a natural toughness among one another, and that toughness can be rough to deal with. Your soul doesn't have to be made of beef jerky and a man shouldn't have to fight through 45 layers of bitter resentment to find the window to your kindness.
3) They understand that a woman can be independent without emasculating every man in her path
Yes, I know you don't "need no man to take care of you." I know that you're not going to "let no man tell you what to do." I know you're not going to bend over backward to make a man happy, or to make him want to be with you. But perhaps there's something to the idea of making a man feel like a man, especially if you expect your man to make you feel like a woman.
4) They don't chase after the thing they hate the most
We all know this sister. She's the Halle Berry type, as fine as she can be, but always ends up crying with you at dinner over a glass of wine. Every man she meets starts off as the answer to her prayers and ends up being the devil incarnate. She is approached regularly by nice guys, but finds herself turning them down for the exciting, wealthy, well-dressed, smooth brother who always breaks her heart. Even worse, she ends up with the thugged out, baby-mama-having cheater whom she finds to be irresistible. That's when she comes to the insightful and consistent conclusion that "black men aint sh*t."
5) They don't worship their pastors and judge their men by church attendance
Many black women state that they only want a man who is "equally yoked," which pretty much makes me a bad egg (yes, I always thought the word "yoke" had an "L" in it, which tells you how often I go to church). You really think that a man in the church is more ethical, kind and considerate than the rest of us? Give me a break. Also, some of us wonder why you put your preacher on a pedestal and expect us to do the same. If you only choose men you meet in church, you won't have much to choose from. In fact, you might just end up sharing the pastor with other women.
6) They don't think that material success and physical attraction are everything
Never in my life have I valued physical beauty or financial success more than inner beauty. But if you listen to some sisters talk, the entire conversation starts and ends with how good they look, how educated they are, and why no man is smart enough to appreciate it. If you are only judging yourself and other people on shallow and superficial attributes, then you will ultimately have a shallow and superficial life.
7) They don't consider you a failure if you struggle economically
The most humiliating thing in the world is a woman who clowns a man for not having enough money or getting his credit card declined. But we all know the sister who does just that. I hate the idea of a woman running to white men because they have more money. Yes, white males have more money, because that's what happens when you can oppress and rob a group of people for half a millenium. Face it: The average black man is not going to have the same wealth level as the average white man, because white men had a 400 year head start.
8. They might be willing to self-reflect
The breakdown of the black family is not solely the fault of the black man. There's usually a woman in every relationship. Also, if your kids don't have their father, remember that you may have played a role in pushing the man out of their lives. If you grow up in a home without the male present, you may be tempted to see the man as an accessory rather than a necessity. So, when things get rough, you tell him to hit the road or choose to make life miserable for him. Also, the give and take of relationships is typically learned from watching our parents, so the single parent homes in black America don't provide a very good incubator for good relationship choices. This goes for both men and women, not just us men.
To conclude, I must apologize to all the good black women across America. But for the bitter, nasty, judgmental, angry, arrogant women on the block, I refuse to apologize. If you were reading the other "8 Reasons" article about black men and finding this to be a justification for your own inability to make a man want to be with you, then you'll only find yourself perpetually frustrated. You can change the complexion of your love interest, but the consistent variable in your tortured love life is always going to be you.
THE BLOODY END!!!!!
I’ve spoken briefly on the matter however, for the most part, I’ve held my tongue. While the author certainly has her right to free speech, I’m not entirely sure what she was getting at. What I mean is, the article was rather pointless in that all the author did was draw attention to commonly held stereotypes about Black men—stereotypes which are easily rebuffed when one looks at the average Black man.
This leads me to believe the author was intentionally trying to be provocative. If this is the case then good going however, if she was throwing down the gauntlet and saying, unequivocally, “There it is, folks. That’s ALL Black men for you and THIS is how everyone must see them” then she’s truly an ass.
When you make blanket statement (especially when race is concerned) you immediately incite anger and finger pointing in your own direction, which is why I wasn’t surprised to see this follow-up article written by Boyce Watkins Ph.D.
Even though Dr. Watkins prefixed his article with “just kidding” doesn’t take the sting away nor does it then give him free pass to say what he pleases without worry of offending anyone. I equate this to BC abutting everything he says to his playmates with ‘please’. “I want it now!!...please”
It’s asinine to believe that one can say anything as long as it’s laced to ‘please’ or ‘just kidding’. Or, as my sister has been screaming all morning, "That shit isn't funny!" Yes, even angry, she can't use the word 'ain't'.
Anyway, here’s the follow-up article. The original link to Madame Noire is below.
8 Reasons You Might Consider Dating a White Woman
October 5th, 2010 - By Boyce Watkins Ph.D
Original post on Madame Noire
First, I'll start this article by saying, "just kidding." I have immense loyalty to black women, and that's all I've ever dated in my adult life. But after reading the article "8 Reasons to date a white man," I just had to respond for the brothers. We know white men are just as imperfect as the rest of us. But the idea that the author decided to put white males on a pedestal above black men without considering the challenges of being black in America had me fuming. So, here are some reasons that those brothers who date white women might have decided to do so:
1) They don't blame all their problems on black men
If you're beautiful, educated, successful and can't keep a man, must it always be because black men are fundamentally flawed? How about taking some responsibility for what happens in your own life? You can start by getting your relationship advice from someone other than Steve Harvey – you do know he's a comedian, right? If you're getting relationship advice from a comedian, don't be surprised when your love life turns into a complete joke.
2) Being nice is not a crime
This isn't representative of all sisters, but I'm sure you know the angry black woman whose face stays crinkled up like a piece of aluminum foil, and every situation is begging for a fight. Black women sometimes breed a natural toughness among one another, and that toughness can be rough to deal with. Your soul doesn't have to be made of beef jerky and a man shouldn't have to fight through 45 layers of bitter resentment to find the window to your kindness.
3) They understand that a woman can be independent without emasculating every man in her path
Yes, I know you don't "need no man to take care of you." I know that you're not going to "let no man tell you what to do." I know you're not going to bend over backward to make a man happy, or to make him want to be with you. But perhaps there's something to the idea of making a man feel like a man, especially if you expect your man to make you feel like a woman.
4) They don't chase after the thing they hate the most
We all know this sister. She's the Halle Berry type, as fine as she can be, but always ends up crying with you at dinner over a glass of wine. Every man she meets starts off as the answer to her prayers and ends up being the devil incarnate. She is approached regularly by nice guys, but finds herself turning them down for the exciting, wealthy, well-dressed, smooth brother who always breaks her heart. Even worse, she ends up with the thugged out, baby-mama-having cheater whom she finds to be irresistible. That's when she comes to the insightful and consistent conclusion that "black men aint sh*t."
5) They don't worship their pastors and judge their men by church attendance
Many black women state that they only want a man who is "equally yoked," which pretty much makes me a bad egg (yes, I always thought the word "yoke" had an "L" in it, which tells you how often I go to church). You really think that a man in the church is more ethical, kind and considerate than the rest of us? Give me a break. Also, some of us wonder why you put your preacher on a pedestal and expect us to do the same. If you only choose men you meet in church, you won't have much to choose from. In fact, you might just end up sharing the pastor with other women.
6) They don't think that material success and physical attraction are everything
Never in my life have I valued physical beauty or financial success more than inner beauty. But if you listen to some sisters talk, the entire conversation starts and ends with how good they look, how educated they are, and why no man is smart enough to appreciate it. If you are only judging yourself and other people on shallow and superficial attributes, then you will ultimately have a shallow and superficial life.
7) They don't consider you a failure if you struggle economically
The most humiliating thing in the world is a woman who clowns a man for not having enough money or getting his credit card declined. But we all know the sister who does just that. I hate the idea of a woman running to white men because they have more money. Yes, white males have more money, because that's what happens when you can oppress and rob a group of people for half a millenium. Face it: The average black man is not going to have the same wealth level as the average white man, because white men had a 400 year head start.
8. They might be willing to self-reflect
The breakdown of the black family is not solely the fault of the black man. There's usually a woman in every relationship. Also, if your kids don't have their father, remember that you may have played a role in pushing the man out of their lives. If you grow up in a home without the male present, you may be tempted to see the man as an accessory rather than a necessity. So, when things get rough, you tell him to hit the road or choose to make life miserable for him. Also, the give and take of relationships is typically learned from watching our parents, so the single parent homes in black America don't provide a very good incubator for good relationship choices. This goes for both men and women, not just us men.
To conclude, I must apologize to all the good black women across America. But for the bitter, nasty, judgmental, angry, arrogant women on the block, I refuse to apologize. If you were reading the other "8 Reasons" article about black men and finding this to be a justification for your own inability to make a man want to be with you, then you'll only find yourself perpetually frustrated. You can change the complexion of your love interest, but the consistent variable in your tortured love life is always going to be you.
THE BLOODY END!!!!!
Spread The Word
9 Responses to "8 Reasons You Might Consider Dating a White Woman: Follow-up"
said this on 30 Dec 2010 10:05:32 AM CST
I have an issue with #7 and truthfully I dont give a flying #@$% what color you are. I expect the man I am with to be financially stable. He doesn't have to be financially wealthy just financially stable.
I don't think I'm shallow because i expect a man to pay the damn bill when he asks me out. And I don't think I'm shallow if he asks me to put minutes on his phone and I say hell no. I have a monthly plan damit and I make sure my bills are paid before I party. Yes I have a problem with a man who live at home with his mother because he can't afford rent. Yet he is driving a damn escaled. and the ride is fully decked out with a TV and sound system. He parties every weekend and is wearing jeans that cost $300 but can't buy his lunch at work and bitches that he wants the leave his mothers house. And yes the hell it is funny if your trying to impress a woman or a man and your card declines. you should have made sure there was money on it before swiped it. And I'm sick and bloody tired of people blaming slavery for their down fall. get the hell out of the damn river called denial. They are the ones keeping them selves down and no one else. Let it go already and get the hell up off your ass. If I have to get up and go to work I will be damned if your going to sit on your ass in my house while I pay all the dam bills. I understand things happen and people lose their jobs and yeah for awhile I will support you. but don't think your going to become worthless because i will drop your ass like a bad habit. So excuse the hell out of me if i'm not going to continuously throw you pity party. I'll fix your resume, help you with mock interviews, I'll even buy you a tie. but you will not wallow in pity and sing woe is me. Tracy excuse my rant. I tried so hard to ignore the other post and I was doing great until this came along and I read 7 |
said this on 30 Dec 2010 12:03:27 PM CST
Preach! Sherece, you know I love you like a sister. You and Pam are soooo much alike. No kidding, she just said the exact same thing. It has nothing to do with race....there are plenty of dead beat folks and they're not ALL Black.
Lady, I could hug you. Welcome to the Ames family! |
said this on 30 Dec 2010 11:02:13 AM CST
OK! so as a respone to an acrticle that generalized and sterotyped black men. This dumb ass think it would be a smart idea to writes a article generalizes black woman? He really thinks that he can say "just kidding" and that will somehow make his ridiculous articls funny to black women. If he wanted to make his point about the stupidity of the "8 Reasons to date a white man". He should have simply just addressed the inacurracies of the article not come up with a article that just as inmature and childish.
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said this on 30 Dec 2010 11:52:17 AM CST
You get it!! That's been my whole point....well, part of it. You can't fight stupidity with these sort of post...not when you're reaching out to the smarty pants of woman-kind.
There still, the Black women who co-signed and slapped each other high fives when Black men were under fire are suddenly pissed when the shoe is on the other foot. It’s not so funny now. That’s the reason I posted the follow-up. If we allow anyone, Black, White, male or female, to make grand sweeping statements or feed into racially bias stereotypes, then we’d better line up for our beating because we just might be the next victim in the crosshairs. You & Sherece, my lovely sisters, got the freakin’ point! |
said this on 30 Dec 2010 4:44:11 PM CST
Tracy this article came out a couple of days after the original and you're right all the bw who were so down the 8 Reasons to Date a White Man article were suddenly gasping and swooning and cluthing their pearls at this one. I just thought, 'are you kidding' you can't be mad at someone for coming at you with the same foolishness you endorsed a day or two ago. I don't like stereotypes, they suck and they're lazy way of thinking. This world is so full of lazy, non-critical thinkers it's ridiculous. I didn't like the first article and no I didn't like this one and the poor people these folks have now generalized 'white men and women and black men and women' are getting stuck with this nonsense. I know sorry people of every vain, I don't associate but yea I know them. I know great people of every race and gender, those people I associate with and if I judged anyone due to lazy thinking like this, I would have missed out on some great people. And yes, saying 'I'm kidding' don't make it better b/c somewhere in this he is not kidding.
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said this on 30 Dec 2010 12:33:00 PM CST
Wow, for having a Ph.D, this person did NOT do their homework. I think that you are right, Tracy, in saying that this author might have just wanted some attention. This whole article comes across as some sort of racial joke, but it's just not funny-and saying "just kidding" at the beginning does not excuse their behavior.
It is things like this that only serve to stigmatize one group of people or another for something so petty as skin color. Our differences as people should be celebrated and honored, not laughed at. What would this world be without difference among people of all colors, cultural backgrounds, religion, or even sexual orientation. We all need to just stopped trying to categorize people by physical attributes. I will say that I am a white male. I was born a white male and have no more control over that then where I was born. Same goes for everyone else. One is born into their own gender or race and we are equal in that respect. What differentiates us is our social or ethnic upbringing-those experiences that shape us. Why should all people not be given the same opportunity to be proud of who they are no matter what their skin color or ethnic background may be. I see this so often where I am living here in the South. I was born in the Northwest and grew up not really learning to despise those physical differences in people. I've lost friends over comments made to another because of petty differences. Well, let's just say that they weren't really good friends if they judged others by such standards. I am similar to Tracy in that I've lived all over the world and learned something from every culture I've visited. Why is it that right here in America, we still have such an issue with race? I've had friends of many different races and cultures and found the differences in these people (because of their personal upbringing, not their outward appearance) to be intriguing and exciting, not something to be feared, laughed at, or ridiculed. Being from the Seattle area, I grew up with many Japanese and guamanian friends, and it seems odd that they have not been singled out as a race as much as those of African descent. Why do we (mostly white folks) in America, harbor such ill feelings towards blacks? Black men or black women. Not bragging but, throughout my life, I've dated white women, black women, Korean, Japanese, Guamanian, and Indian women and found their differences to be from cultural upbringing more than skin color. I've found unique and beautiful things in all of these women because I embraced their uniquiness instead of fearing or ridiculing it. Why can't we all do the same. We will never stop this hatred and animousity until we can learn to get past our petty insecurities and see other for who they are on the inside, not the outside. Yes, I understand that race and culture are part of who we are but that is reason for celebration, not fear or ridicule. Okay, let me get off my soapbox now. I just hate when someone that is supposed to be intelligent posts something like what is shown here in the form of some kind of joke. |
said this on 02 Jan 2011 5:28:16 AM CST
Well said and you're absolutely correct on all points. It wasn't too long ago when people who were thought to have come from ‘bad blood’ were condemned even though they themselves were perfectly fine. I equate their treatment to race relations as well: just because one comes from a particular group doesn’t mean they should be demonized. If that be the case, then everyone would be screwed up in some way, shape or form.
I only use the ‘bad blood’ case as an example because some people are more compassionate towards the mental challenged regardless of race. It’s when the compassion is set aside that the douchebaggery seeps in. It shouldn’t be so; we born into our ethnic groups and that’s an end to it. In my opinion, one of the reasons Americans harbor such ill feelings towards blacks is because no one knows how to talk to about OUR shared past. Whites didn’t want to bring up the subject fearing Black will blame them or demonize them for their forefathers behavior….while Blacks, even right thinking, are often at a loss/don’t know where to start. Sometimes, it’s this slight hesitation that makes Whites uncomfortable….then their uncomfortable ness translates into arrogance which angers Blacks….their anger makes Whites standoffish or afraid….which Blacks see as them calls us savages or barbarians….which (if it gets to this point) everyone takes their balls home and misunderstandings are born. It’s no one’s fault this happens; fault is found when no one comes back to the table and stays there through the uncomfortable ness until we stop the madness. We all agree, our shared history is horrible but it’s our history and it should be addressed. Whites and Blacks alike are fully aware that those stereotypes aren’t indicative, but in this compartmentalized world, we shut down, grab what’s ours and live a novocained existence from the people around us. Everyone is sort of peeking out of their curtains at the world seeing Blacks as savages, Jews as money hungry, and Spanish as worthless…while Whites despise everyone, Asians are shady, and the Arab cultural are on the brink of killing us all. It’s sad, really. Things have changed a great deal! But the more we allow people (such as the folks who wrote these articles) to drive the wedge in farther, the longer we’ll continue on the same silent path. |
said this on 30 Dec 2010 5:49:35 PM CST
I read this back in October and it STILL pisses me off, I still cannot decide which of these two are the bigger idiot.
Number 8 REALLY pisses me off, the generalization of fathers in the home speaks to me of a person with bitterness either towards his mother or father. My mother would always tell us to look pass the wrappings of a person, you can't look at someone thinking this person is good due to their looks or that person is bad for the same reason. Her quote which I used with my own kids, "You can bag up dog poo and place it in a Tiffany box but it is still dog poo. Look beyond the box, take a look inside a person because that Tiffany box can/may cause pain but a plain box can/may bring you immeasurable joy." The so called doctor is an insecure idiot, if not then his response to the first idiot was to break down the "color" issue entirely showing her men are men and women are women. The color of our skin does make us women. |
said this on 31 Dec 2010 2:56:34 AM CST
This was not clever, witty, or even remotely intelligent. If he had a rebuttal to the original article, he should have constructed it in a way that actually expressed his frustration with BOTH black and white men being unfairly stereotyped. Instead he pulled out some pseudo sociological bullshit reasons for tension within black male/female relationships. Culminating in the most offensive piece of dribble I have read in quite some time, reason 8. What world does he live in where white women don't come from single parent homes? Or where their father's weren't absent. The previous 7 were equally foolish but for some reason number 8 is what really has me seeing red and I grew up in a two parent household. This is such a hot topic when addressing "issues" affecting the black community that putting it in his list minimizes the importance of "healthy" role models in a child's life, if they live in the home with them or not.
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