Happy 4th!
- By Tracy Ames
- Published July 4, 2012
Tracy Ames

Mrs. Ames is an international bestselling author of interracial erotic fiction and a former columnist for several newsletters and magazines.
A native of the San Francisco Bay Area, Tracy currently split time between CT & New York City with her husband, children and a host of pets.
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Happy 4th of July!
My initial plan was to write a patriotic ode to our nation’s independence however, after a chat with my sister in-law, a glass of wine, and a couple of Benadryl things went in an entirely different direction.
This year I’ve decided to honor (objectify) a man who exemplifies all that’s great about our fine country and who has singlehandedly destroyed more ovaries than John Holmes.
That’s right. America’s weapon of mass seduction: Christopher Robert "Chris" Evans. Remember his name because you'll be screaming it once he flashes those pearly whites.

One is easily distracted by his physical majesty. But it’s his carefree bravado coupled with his talent and heavy doses of self-deprecating dorkiness, and insecurity* that makes him irresistible. How he gets through the day without crumbling under the weight of his own perfection defies logic.
Did I mention his smooth, sultry singing voice? Where some singers capture your heart, Chris reaches into the nether regions of your soul and makes love to you. In fact, his voice should be classified as the UNF because he’s mastered the art of simultaneously caressing your ears and your genitals.

Oohhh the body! I don’t know where to start. This man oozes sex appeal. He looks like the kinda person who’d sweep you off your feet, toss you around the bed mercilessly, and then pleasure you from head to toe. And I bet he’s into some kinky stuff. Luckily, he comes equipped for action. Observe his shoulder to waist ratio, that’s baby making material. Thank goodness Marvel threw in a slow motion booty shot. His ass deserves the Oscar for best cameo.

Have you seen his chest and arms? He can crush me with his cudgels any day. And those lips were made for kissing. I love the way they look when he says fondue. Seriously, could they be any hotter?! Since we’re talking about his mouth, how about that adorable sharky grin. That thing could cure cancer, end world hungry, and bring peace to the Middle East in an afternoon. Its abilities are limitless.
Let's talk about his wells of blue-grey-ish sexiness...aka his eyes. I wouldn't break eye contact so it's probably best we never meet, but I'm sure he's accustomed to women peering mindlessly at him. However, staring at him is risky business - he's been known to melt a room full of panties with a bat of his thick lashes and a puppy dog expression.
Bottom line, Chris is a pinch of naughty and nice which in my opinion epitomizes America. We have internal issues and we’re often obliged to project an image in stark contrast to reality. But people still wanna kick it with us and we’re also the first to extend a helping hand to those in need even when that means staying long after the cameras have stopped rolling and cleaning up someone else’s mess. Have a safe holiday.

* He’s socially awkward and doesn’t handle public attention very well. As a result, he suffers frequent panic attacks before appearances and prefers his real friends to the industry types.

Jane, I hope I did you proud. :)
My initial plan was to write a patriotic ode to our nation’s independence however, after a chat with my sister in-law, a glass of wine, and a couple of Benadryl things went in an entirely different direction.
This year I’ve decided to honor (objectify) a man who exemplifies all that’s great about our fine country and who has singlehandedly destroyed more ovaries than John Holmes.
That’s right. America’s weapon of mass seduction: Christopher Robert "Chris" Evans. Remember his name because you'll be screaming it once he flashes those pearly whites.

One is easily distracted by his physical majesty. But it’s his carefree bravado coupled with his talent and heavy doses of self-deprecating dorkiness, and insecurity* that makes him irresistible. How he gets through the day without crumbling under the weight of his own perfection defies logic.
Did I mention his smooth, sultry singing voice? Where some singers capture your heart, Chris reaches into the nether regions of your soul and makes love to you. In fact, his voice should be classified as the UNF because he’s mastered the art of simultaneously caressing your ears and your genitals.

Oohhh the body! I don’t know where to start. This man oozes sex appeal. He looks like the kinda person who’d sweep you off your feet, toss you around the bed mercilessly, and then pleasure you from head to toe. And I bet he’s into some kinky stuff. Luckily, he comes equipped for action. Observe his shoulder to waist ratio, that’s baby making material. Thank goodness Marvel threw in a slow motion booty shot. His ass deserves the Oscar for best cameo.

Have you seen his chest and arms? He can crush me with his cudgels any day. And those lips were made for kissing. I love the way they look when he says fondue. Seriously, could they be any hotter?! Since we’re talking about his mouth, how about that adorable sharky grin. That thing could cure cancer, end world hungry, and bring peace to the Middle East in an afternoon. Its abilities are limitless.

Let's talk about his wells of blue-grey-ish sexiness...aka his eyes. I wouldn't break eye contact so it's probably best we never meet, but I'm sure he's accustomed to women peering mindlessly at him. However, staring at him is risky business - he's been known to melt a room full of panties with a bat of his thick lashes and a puppy dog expression.

Bottom line, Chris is a pinch of naughty and nice which in my opinion epitomizes America. We have internal issues and we’re often obliged to project an image in stark contrast to reality. But people still wanna kick it with us and we’re also the first to extend a helping hand to those in need even when that means staying long after the cameras have stopped rolling and cleaning up someone else’s mess. Have a safe holiday.

* He’s socially awkward and doesn’t handle public attention very well. As a result, he suffers frequent panic attacks before appearances and prefers his real friends to the industry types.

Jane, I hope I did you proud. :)
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6 Responses to "Happy 4th!" 
said this on 05 Jul 2012 9:52:23 AM CDT
ADKLGIEJE! I was waiting for this post! There's a video floating around of him singing. OMG it's orgasmic!! I didn't know much about him until recently now I have all his movies. Sunshine is really good! I need a cold shower.
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said this on 05 Jul 2012 10:00:30 AM CDT
My monitor melted. It couldn't take the hottness. That ass. The shoulders. The arms. The chest. Those eyes. The smile. The voice. Chris Evans why you not in my bed?!
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said this on 05 Jul 2012 7:12:49 PM CDT
Great post I loved it. I absolutely adore me some Chris Evans. There is a sexiness about him. It's not in your face but more subtle and sneaks up on you. Once he flashes that smile and looks at you with eye he's got you right where he wants you. Which if had my way would be naked and begging him for more! lol I couldn't agreee more about the mans ass it is most definitely oscar worthy. Hell his whole body deserves to get one.
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said this on 06 Jul 2012 5:10:18 PM CDT
Oh my sweet Lord! Ohhh Christopher! I have been in love with him since oooh forever! He's so goddamn adorable! He's the jock that saves the nerd from being bullied. Yet he IS a closet nerd himself.
I can't even think clearly because of him. You'd think i'd be used to his hotness by now, I mean we've only been married for 5 years! LOL! |
said this on 06 Jul 2012 5:56:15 PM CDT
Goddamn! You owe me a new pair of panties. I loved him way back when he played Johnny Storm. He couldn't take his clothes off fast enough! I'd fuck his fine ass into a coma!
Have you seen his brother Scott? He's cute but they don't look anything alike. |
said this on 06 Jul 2012 11:18:41 PM CDT
I just read he likes brunettes with big booties. I'll dye my hair!
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